Tuesday, November 18, 2008

2-fer Tuesday.. Confession #1

Here's #1..

I'm a gamer.

Sue me.

Yes, I enjoy playing my stupid video games.

For me, it's a way to relax, escape, and just not think or worry about the things that went on in my day. When I play during the weekend, it's my way of unwinding from the stress of the week, and getting myself back to that "happy place" that I need to be in so that I can subject myself to the stress and chaos that invades my life while at work.

Yes, I know that there are things I could do that are more constructive. There's stuff around the house that needs fixing, there are dishes in the sink that should be rinsed and put into the dishwasher, there's a dog that loves the attention...

To be honest, I don't mind doing those things. However, I'd much more enjoy doing those things once I'm better set mentally, you know?

I'm not saying that what I'm doing is really acceptible. What I'm saying is that I've found a way to cope with the stresses that come at me, and that until I can find some other effective way for me to deal with it, I don't think it's going to change much.


I'm also a liar.

Yes, I lie.

The sad part is, that I've gotten GOOD at it.

Because of my situation when I was growing up, I learned to make things up in a hurry, with no preparation whatsoever. This made me able to juggle quite a few stories, and keep them all fairly feasible.

This also destroyed any kind of accountability that I had for myself, and basically had me wondering WHO I really was. I was one kind of person for this one, and a different kind for this next one, etc..

Thanks to the tough love and support of my wife, I've been able to fight this habit. I still stumble from time to time, but for the most part I'd say that I'm recovering very nicely.

I'd kind of equate my lying to an alcoholic. For me, even telling the "little white lies" was the same as taking a drink while trying to stop. It doesn't just stop at that "one little lie".

No, it blossoms.


Because then I rationalize with myself. "That wasn't too bad, you can handle this" then becomes "well, that was a bit much, but still not bad.." to "Where am I going with this, and when did it get out of control?"

You see?

I have to remind myself DAILY about not making things up on the fly.

There are times where I really don't want to deal with things, and I'm sorely tempted to just say something in order to get that person off my case, and away from me.

Usually, I am able to beat the urge.

However, there are times when I become human, and I fail.

Anyway, just a little taste of my life for you.. More to come later!


Dana said...

I share your lying issue, however mine was learned as a survival instinct. There were truths that would result in physical harm as a child - lying became a necessity. However, as you pointed out, when that "need" is gone, it's difficult to change the behavior.

Jormengrund said...

I'll be going into more detail about this lying issue later today..

After all, I'm making two posts, and I think after you read my story, you'll see why my lying habit was so easy to learn, and why it's so difficult to get rid of now..

Another Suburban Mom said...

As far as the gaming, everyone needs a little escape. I already commented about the reasons you lie.

gottaluvme3 said...

I have to remember that the kids dont need attention all the time either, and that they ARE old enough to occupy themselves. BUT, they still need mommy and daddy time, and it seems few and far between that we get that because of our busy lives. Little things mean a lot.....And playing video games for 4-8 hours at a time seems like a long time to take to wind down! I am lucky if I get 15-30 minutes!