*sniffle*

Ugh.

I'm sick.

Not just mentally.. That's normal, and I can deal with that.

Nope. I'm sick. Head hurts, I'm running a really low-grade temp, stomach feels like it's in knots, and I just don't want to do anything but curl up in a ball, and sleep.

However, I dragged my happy ass out of bed, got dressed, and came to work.

Because isn't that what responsible people do?

You know what?

Fuck responsibility.

If I can't take care of myself, and be healthy while working, I'm going to eventually burn myself out. If I'm burnt out, how exactly am I going to work? If I can't work, how can I provide for my family?

Yeah.

But I'll stick out today. I mean, I'm already here, it's not like I've got a choice.

However, if I start puking, you can bet your ass I'm going to be back in my car and headed home.

Wish me luck.. I'm gonna need it.

And this is how the Black Plague spread..

Yeah, contrary to popular advice, I'm back at work.

I don't know what it is..

I mean, just ten years ago I would have found any and all excuses to find a reason NOT to come to work..

Now? I'm finding excuses as to why I need to be here, and NOT stay home!

Talk about a severe change of attitude....

I'm not as bad off today as yesterday, though. I loaded myself up on Nyquil, sinus relief, decongestants, and cough syrup.. Not to mention cough drops and the occasional tall cool drink of water.

I think I'll make it through just fine today.

My coworkers? That's another story.

There are some folks here that I wouldn't mind coughing all over, and forcing them to take a few extra days off work just to get them out of my hair for a bit longer.

However, grandma didn't raise her boy to be rude like that, so I politely cover my face when coughing, and excuse myself when needed.

The worst part about being sick like this is that I'm all alone this weekend.

The kids are at their mom's.

My wife is on a "girls weekend" at the local casino.

I'm in an empty house, with a loving pooch, but nothing more.

I can't do the "sick man" trick, and just mope about in the recliner crying about how bad my head hurts, or some such nonsense.

If I'm thirsty, I get my butt up and get a drink. Hungry? Fix something. Tired? Go lay down. Maybe get a blanket and crash where I land.

But there's nobody to talk to.

Yeah, I can talk to the dog, but she doesn't talk back too much, and it gets boring after a while. I like the undivided attention and love I get from her, but sometimes I really wish she'd learn more english than "ride", "treat", "walk", and "outside", you know?

Well, I've got inventory and stuff to get done today, so I'm going to be knees and elbows in serious dirty stuff. Wish me luck, and you all have a great weekend!

Another drop (drip) in the bucket

Yeah, I'm late posting this, sue me.

I'm sick.

Not just the "I don't feel like being here, so I'm going to try to think up an excuse to not come in" type, but the aches, pains, stuffy head, runny nose, coughing, sore back from hacking, sore throat, mild fever kind of sick.

And like an idiot, I came into work as well.

I don't know what it is about this place, but each and every time that I have to start crawling into the "devil dust" we have in this place, I get sick.

This week has been interesting, in that I've had to move offices, drop cabling, and change out computer monitors. So I've done my fair share of dirt crawling these last couple of days. Not only that, but the first day that I came home, I left a nasty black-gray ring in the tub when I took my shower.. Not a pretty picture, I can tell you!

So I'm here, sick, miserable, and trying to focus on lasting the rest of the day so that I can carry my sick butt home, take a steamy hot shower, and crash into bed. Food doesn't even enter into the picure right now, just hot water and a warm bed.

You want to know just how depraved I am?

I'm conetemplating how I'm going to do tomorrow, and trying to convince myself that I'm really not too badly sick, so that I can get work done.

I think I need to see a shrink.

Thank you all for your comments and postings over the last couple of days. I've been trying to air out things that have bothered me, and to know that I'm not the only one out there seeing something wrong gives me just a bit more hope.

I'll hopefully be posting earlier tomorrow, so keep your eyes open!

2-Fer Tuesday! Confession #1

Yup.. It's that time again..

Here's something I've been thinking about this last week..

I really hate confrontation. I don't know why, but I just do.

I'm not one to get angry or upset very easily when someone tries to "get me started", but I can get angry at the drop of a hat over some things as well. I don't know why, but that's me.

Take this for example:

In my first marriage, there were times where my ex would WANT to get into fights. At these times, she'd pick, yell, scream, cry, and try anything to get me going. Usually, this was a day-long process.

Because of my temperment, I'd deal with her issues, and keep on going.. However, the pot was starting to boil.

Soon enough, I'd get my fill, and I'd pop. Yeah, I'd fight with her.

However, when I'd get to these points, I wouldn't be nice about it..

Newp. I got NASTY.

So we'd fight, it would be down and dirty for all of about 10 minutes, and then it would be over.

I'd then go grouse and grumble about the argument, she'd go and cry and wonder why I could be so mean.... You know how those go.

I guess that's one major reason our marriage didn't work out, but at least I learned something from it..


Now, I've got to be honest here. There are three people on this planet that know how to get me riled up faster than anything else.

Yup. My kids.

Frustration over repeating something 15 times just isn't my bag of tea. I really have no patience with ignorance, and it upsets me to no end.

Yes, I know they're kids, and they'll screw up. I give them this, and because of my temper, I do tend to go back and apologize if I overreact about something.

Here's an example of this kind of behavior:

My daughter and youngest son are barely a year apart in age. Because of this, they tend to play and fight and tussle with each other and their belongings even more than with my oldest son.

Last night, they decided to play Hide and Seek for a while. Everything went well, until my daughter decided that she wanted to pick up my youngest son, and carry him from his hiding spot to the "base".

Not being as strong as she'd thought, she dropped him on her way to the "base", and my son ended up jamming one of his fingers. This, of course, made him cry and scream bloody murder. Because of his crying, she then proceeded to yell at him, and tell him that he wasn't hurt, and that he'd be just fine if he'd stop crying (mainly to get out of being in trouble for hurting him, but heck, it was good advice at the time, don't you think?).

I came into the room, and checked out his hand. While looking it over, I calmly asked him what had happened. (I had been standing in the next room, and had seen everything, but I wanted to get their stories, if only to confirm what I'd seen)

He told me about their game, and my daughter's decision to carry him to their "base". he then told me that she "threw him down" because she was tired. I stopped him, and corrected this, because she didn't just throw him, it was an accident, and she hadn't meant for him to get hurt. I wiped up tears, gave him something to drink, an aspirin for pain, and sent him off.

Now, while this was going on, my daughter was doing something else.

I was checking over his finger, and quietly asking questions. She, however, was screaming at the top of her lungs, protesting that it wasn't her fault, he hadn't been hanging on well, it wasn't her idea, he hadn't fallen on that hand, etc...

After getting my son calmed down, I then turned to this erupting volcano of crying and emotion, and asked her to sit down.

Tears streaming down her face, she did, still proclaiming her innocense.

I knelt down beside her, and asked her for her side of the story. Loudly, she began telling me her side of it. Finding my son, him not wanting to count, her "helping" him get back here, his pushing off of her, and her trying to stop him but he fell anyway.

Since (as I'd told you before) I'd seen what had happened, I tried to correct her, and let her know what parts of her story weren't true.

This then caused another bout of screaming and crying.

That made my top BLOW.

I got up, told her to apologize to her brother, and then go sit in a chair for a while and think about what she'd done.

I don't know where the monster came from, but it took me over completely, and with no remorse.


Then, there's this issue I've got with passive-aggressive stuff, too.

Now, I'm no "man's man" type of guy. I enjoy things: sports, cars, electronics, video games as most stereotypical guys do. However, I wouldn't say that I'm the model of manhood, either.

I'm nothing like my dad. Before he retired, he would work nearly from dawn to dusk, then come home to eat and shower before watching TV for an hour or so just before his bedtime. Little, if any, time was spent with the kids. They usually just got in his way when he needed to get something done.

I'm also not much like my Father-in-Law. This man can't stand still. When he's at work, he's busy with work. When he's at home, he's gotta be doing something around the house.

To be honest, I admire his drive, but it's just not ME.

Right now? I'm sick. I've been fighting this same cough-type flu bug for nearly a month, and I'm getting irritable.

If I were my dad, I'd be taking off work until it was resolved. You can't work and be sick at the same time, so take care of yourself, and everything else will fall into place.

If I were my Father-in-Law, I'd ignore the problem, and eventually it'll all get sorted out. Can't miss work, because you gotta provide for the family.

I'm neither of those. I'm somewhere in between. Yeah, I can ignore the annoying stuff, and keep up with my schedule, because my family depends on me. However, if things get TOO out of control, then I need to take some time and get myself healthy in order to keep my sanity.

Somehow, this annoys my wife. If I tell her that I'm going to stay home from work because I'm sick, I get the eyeroll, a semi-disgusted sigh, and a small lecture about my work attendance, and my needing to manage my time off better.

Last night? I got the speech from her about needing to go see a doctor about my cold.

I don't get it.

Really.

Is she trying to tell me that when it's her suggestion that I'm sick, it's OK to be ill? Or is she trying to tell me that this has gone on long enough that she's tired of listening to it, and wants me to get it fixed? Is it that when _I_ make the announcement that I'm sick, it just must be some way of my wanting to avoid work, so it must not be all that bad?

I don't know.

I don't think I ever really will, to be honest.

I just wish I didn't feel like this right now.

Sorry for this disjointed post, maybe the next one will make more sense!

Two-Fer Tuesday!!

Yup, that time again..

Well, I'll start it off with this..

When I left you last week, my wife and I were arguing about who we were talking to, and how it made each other feel.

I have to say that we came to an agreement.

From now on, when I take the "artistic license" to exaggerate, or tell things in "my perspective", I'm going to be letting you all know.

This way, you'll know when I'm full of shit about a scenario, and my wife can turn off the "serious button" and read it for the crap it's meant to be without getting her feelings hurt.

Also, I'm going to try to stay away from sensitive subjects here, as there are quite a few of you out there who do read my stuff from time to time, and because my wife doesn't feel comfortable airing out things to strangers, I'll just give you posts AFTER the problems have come full circle.

Now, onto the bloggery!

This weekend SUCKED.

I mean it.

SUCKED.

I've been sick with some kind of flu/chest congestion for nearly 2 weeks now, and it seems to be getting worse instead of clearing up.

I've got the nagging cough, chest congestion, sinus congestion, and sore throat.

I haven't had the aches, pains, fever, or nausea that normally comes from "regular" flu.

However, I've also been taking Zicam, Mucinex, Nyquil, Tylenol (cold flu and sinus), and Vitamin C tablets.

You'd think with all of the pharmacology going on in my system that I'd be kicking this bug.

Newp.

Not yet.

In fact, I really feel worse today than I did yesterday.

Let's back up for a second here.

Friday was Halloween, and I was able to get home to the family and spend it with them.. Well, Kinda.

We got the kids into costume, and took them over to my mom and dad's house. Why? Because my oldest was going to a youth seminar, and my two younger ones wanted to show off their costumes. My daughter was Bat Girl, and my youngest son was a Motocross Racer.

Well, the kids made a nice haul from my parents, and I was able to ditch one kid there too, so things were looking pretty good so far!

It was at this time that I started coughing up the last lung I had left.

Not a pretty picture, to say the least.

Then, we headed for my in-laws house, for the same reason. Kids needed to show off costumes.

There, they made out like BANDITS. Not only did they get gift bags from grandma, they also got goodies from her two neighbors as well!

So, after going to two houses, my two kids each had their bags about half full, and the night hadn't even really started yet!

Then, we took the kids over to see my wife's neice. Yup. More candy. And I was on a steady downhill fall. Not only was the cough bad, but it was giving me a headache because of the constant pressure on my sinuses FROM coughing!

Well, we left there, and went to get some food. The kids made an informed decision, and we went to McDonald's. I don't know WHAT posessed us to go there, but we went.

Yeah. It was packed. So, after waiting a little while for that, we were on our way to her brother's house, where we were supposed to meet, and then take the kids around their neighborhood for some real trick-or-treating.

Me? I needed something for a headache.

Yeah. I'm a party-pooper like that.

So, because of my cough and head, I volunteered to stay behind at the house, and hand out candy for everyone who showed up.

It was boring.

Yes. Boring.

There I was, sick, coughing, fighting a nasty headache, and trying to be chipper about all of the kids showing up in costumes to get candy..

It was quite pathetic, and the ONLY saving grace was that I was able to at least see some scary movie sequences..

I really didn't enjoy my weekend.

That, and I'm really regretting showing up for work today as well, to be honest.

I just don't like being sick, and having to deal with the medicine head stuff.

It really drives me NUTS.

I'll write more later, gotta scoot for now!