Have you ever really stopped to wonder....

What does it all really mean?

I'm talking about the complaints and belittling that folks feel the need to heap on people who like to blog.

I enjoy blogging. I write about stuff that moves or affects me.

At times I tell stories about growing up, other times I reveal things about my past.

I rant and rave about work. I complain about behavior and actions that really tend to stomp on my last nerve.

Sometimes I make the posts personal. Other times, I leave them open and ambiguous.

Does it all really matter?

To all of you, maybe not.

To me? It means something.

Yeah, this blog is almost like a diary. However, I don't care who reads it. I don't feel the need to take it under lock and key, and force folks to read what I put down.

If you don't like or agree with what I have to say, then it's as simple as NOT reading for the problem to correct itself. I'm not forcing you to read this, I'm not creating an incident by writing what I feel. I'm just being ME.


There have been a couple of times where what I've written has actually touched someone. That's great. However, it's not really what this blog is about.

There are times when I've offended and upset folks. Again, this is unintentional. That's also NOT what this blog is about.

This blog is here as my sounding board for whatever mood takes me. If I'm feeling nostalgic, then I can write down about fond memories I had growing up. If I'm feeling pensive, I'll write something similar to this post, beacuse it gets me thinking. If I'm in a good mood, I'll write silly stuff. If I'm angry or annoyed, I'll write down arguments about actions or activities that have really set me off.

So no two posts are going to be the same. They change just as often as the wind.

My wish here isn't about gaining readers. Those of you who like what I read, great! Keep reading!

Those of you who don't like what I write.. What are you still doing around here? It's not going to change anytime soon.. Get a clue, and move on.

Maybe at some point I'll decide to let my creative bone take control, and I'll write narraratives that will stir some kind of response from people, and have folks clamoring for more.

For now? I'm content to write what I feel, call a spade a spade, and not concern myself over the technicalities of personal involvement.

So sayeth the author of this mediocre blog, and thus shall it be!

Struggling to find my niche..

You know, I never really know what to write about on here at times..

I mean, I want to be funny, and I like to keep things light-hearted.

However, there are times where things just really bother me, and I feel that they need to be said. At times like those, I air them here, since I can basically say what I please, and really not feel like I'm being judged or condemned for my viewpoint.

If I felt that way, I could always turn off comments. However, with as few readers as I've got, that really doesn't amount to much, now does it?

There are times where I've talked with some friends from my past, and I'll remember something funny, and write about it.

There are times where something has happened in my family life, and I write about it.

There are times where I've seen something on the news, and I've complained about it.

And then there are the times where I have no clue what to write about, and so I give you more examples of the idiots I work with.

However, how many times can someone call a moron an idiot before it gets TOO redundant?

I mean, if I keep beating you all over the head about the brainlessness of some of my coworkers, it stops being funny, and starts getting mundane and annoying, doesn't it?

I'm no savvy writer. I can't Google some phrase, and come up with some funny diatribe about the economy, or Obama, or the housing market, or the financial system, or anything like that and tickle your funny bone.

I'm sure that my past isn't something many folks want to read about. In between the bouts of abuse and neglect, the times where I tried to innocently kill my brother and I with cars, and basically be a wild kid are overdone on many blogging sites.

My family life is something that I find interesting. However, my wife doesn't share my point of view, and so in the interest of keeping my manhood and family life secure, I'm no longer blogging about this as well!

So...

What to write about?

I could waste more time wondering out loud about this, and go completely nowhere with this blog entry today, or I could come to the point.

My point?

I'm going to write about my interests and hobbies. Maybe at some point I'll toss in a memory or some rant about our financial situation, but for the most part, it's going to be about things that I do for fun and hobbies.

I'll start tomorrow.

Like all good procrastinators, I know how to put off doing something!

Confessional

Well, I can tell when I post something that's a bit too brutally honest, because my wife will get on here and yell at me about it.

I don't feel the need to apologize on here, because after all, this is a kind of journal about who I am, and what I'm feeling. So if I offended, don't read.

That being said, I have been wondering since our "discussion" last night about some things...

Before I got some help in my lying problem, I never could have imagined that being completely honest could be considered a bad thing.

Now?

I'm not so sure, really.

I mean, look at the last post. I opened my heart, and blogged about how I felt. This, in turn, caused the woman I love to become very upset with me over how I expressed my feelings. In a sense, I was too honest, and it really pissed her off.

So now I'm trying to figure out (in my lying rehab-kind of way) where would the compromise be? When is it "ok" to lie? When is telling the "full" truth too much?

I'm still pretty new to the whole full-disclosure stuff. I mean, for me telling a lie is like offering a drink to an alcoholic. You can make the choice to tell that lie, or take that drink, but the chances of falling back on your old behaviors increase exponentially.

My wife doesn't believe that. Not one bit.

In her opinion, I'm just making a choice, and that I choose to lie, or tell the truth. There's no habit to break, there's nothing that could cause me to just up and run with it once the first one has been said.

Me?

I grew up telling lies to get out of trouble. I was pretty darn good at it, too. I'd lie just to keep from getting a wooden paddle, or power cord whipping, or my face slapped. I never knew what kind of punishment I'd get, so I'd make sure that the story I told had enough truth in it to be believeable, and then the rest would just be a type of garnish.

It became a habit. I'd lie to the folks outside of the house, because I didn't want them to know about my family, or how I was being treated. I wanted them to think I was a normal, well-adjusted kid. Not an abused soul who was desperately trying to find a way out and survive.

I'd lie to my parents, just to make living there bearable. Chores, minor jobs, homework, you name it. They asked, I did, and then I'd lie of something went wrong. I knew what they expected of me, so the lies were easier to make up for people you knew.

I'd lie at school. I didn't want the teachers or cousellors to know what was going on at home, because I feared the scrutiny. What would my parents do to me if they suddenly were investigated because of my behavior at school?

Pretty soon, the lies were more of my reality than the truth was.

And there's the rub.

Now? I've been very good about keeping myself honest. Yeah, I embellish a little, but my wife reminds me, and I reign myself in, and tone it down. I've been brutally honest, and things seem to be going well, until the honesty gets to be too much, and feelings get hurt.

You know, it's very true that the saying "Truth hurts" is more than just an emotional hurt. Feelings _do_ get hurt. But there are times when the truth feels more like a punch in the gut or kidneys than anything else.

I'm still learning, and I'm trying to come to terms with who I am.

However, don't think for a second that I'll apologize for telling my side of a story.

Yeah, you might not like what I have to say, but it's my opinion, and my feelings. I have the right to say these things, and I'll be more than willing to talk about them even if you're not reading. That's YOUR decision, and your choice.

I'll talk about some funny stories tomorrow, unless the wife and I get into a fight about this post tonight.. Then there'll be more about that tomorrow!

Stay tuned.