Tuesday, December 13, 2011


Yeah, I'm a bit frazzled.

I have been in my classes now for a little over a year. I'm still holding strong to a 3.98 GPA (one stinking B+!! GRR!) I am working full-time for my girlfriend who owns her own business installing, developing, designing and creating graphics, AND we're moving this week to a new place....

Yeah, my cup runneth over, and right now I wish it was someone else's cup.

Don't get me wrong. I've been looking forward to all of this. I enjoy the classes. There's plenty of information that I didn't know about my chosen field that is jumping out at me. I love working, because I can't stand to just sit on my ass every day and hope things happen. I love my girlfriend, mainly because she accepts me for who I am, and not what she thinks I should be. And lastly I've been really looking forward to a bigger place because this little apartment would give even the most hearty of constitutions claustrophobia if they had to live here with another person and a fuzzy pet.

However, combining all of these elements into one really blows.

I mean, girlfriend gets stressed, and because of this, packing lags. Due to packing lags, moving gets put behind. Because moving gets pushed back, I do some work, and have to complete the job before continuing moving. However, this also has to take a backseat to classes, which are a priority for me right now. Juggle all of these, and then try to spice it up with the little surprises that make life just so much more interesting, and you've got a formula for the reason some folks grab high-powered rifles and try to kill every living thing in sight...

Not there yet, but there are times...

So, I'm trying to take bite-sized pieces out of the equation. I am trying to set a bunch of small goals to reach instead of large ambiguous ones, and see if it helps any.

Right now? I'd have to say.. "No, not so much, thanks for playing."

But at least I did try to work outside of the box, and try something different, right?

Wish me luck and sanity!

Have a happy holidays, and many enjoyable returns!

Friday, December 9, 2011


It is always difficult for me to enjoy the holidays anymore.

I get excited and enjoy the reactions of my kids and the younger ones that I have the joy of being around, but for me, the gloss and luster has dimmed.

I miss my grandparents.. Badly.

My grandpa would light up a room with his size, his laugh, and the love of life that would be a palpable aura around him wherever he went.

My grandma had an infectious laugh, incredible talent for cooking foods, and a way to make you feel loved and cared for just by taking your hand and holding it.

They are both gone now, and the empty hole in my soul still hasn't healed.

I know that eventually it will. However, knowing that father time has his own schedule, I also know that at some point someone else close to me will be gone as well.

Mortality sucks, you know?

Yet through it all, I've learned to enjoy the small things. Live life to the fullest, and to suck the marrow out of each day until I'm sure that there's nothing more I can eke out of this existance.

I will live, I will love, I will laugh..

I will be... Me.