OK, so now I can talk to you all about the "discussion" my wife and I had last night.
It was the whole "I think we need to take some time apart. It's not you, I think it's me" bullshit.
Where does this shit come from, and why does it usually come with absolutely NO warning??
I mean really, this has taken me completely by surprise. I know that she was upset about some little stuff, but how the fuck do you make the full transition from little stuff to 'packing my shit up because I've not been happy for a while now'?
How long has she not been happy?
Why didn't I see it?
Am I blind?
Whenever I try to think back, I can't even picture when she would be upset enough to want to leave. I didn't think that me not liking laundry or dishes could lead to a potential for divorce.
I mean, I LOVE THIS WOMAN. How else can I possibly show her that? How can I prove my love, my desire, whatever?
I know I'm not her picture-perfect image of what a husband should be. I'm not her dad. I'm not her wonderful friend's husband who can do no wrong. I'm me. I'm flawed. She's told me that she doesn't want someone like her dad or friend's hubby. Is she lying to me?
I don't know.
To be honest right now, I'm getting to the point where even though I love her dearly, I'm starting to not care, and that really frightens me.
This woman helped me to develop into a wonderful father. She's the one who opened my eyes to the crap I was unintentionally causing just by being lazy. She's the one who helped me turn my life around and become a solid provider for my family.
Yet now she's giving up on me. All this makes me feel like wanting to do is just give up myself.
If she's tired of helping and believing in me, why should I bother keeping up the work?
The person who helped me get this way is giving up, so maybe I'm a lost cause, and should give up on myself.
I don't know.
I just know that right now I'm hurt, angry, and stressed over what's going to happen next.
What's going to become of me and my kids?
Where are we going to go?
Where are we going to live?
How can I explain this to them?
I'm done for now, because if I keep dwelling on this while at work, I'm really going to have a shitty day.