Tuesday, September 9, 2008

And Now For Something Completely Different...

Usually, I rant and rave about work..

Not today.

I'm married, (again) and I love my wife. But there are some things about her that just defy all logic and nature to me.

One of these is her psychotic dreams.

Let me give you an example:

This morning I was able to wake up next to Satan himself. Why? Because my lovely wife dreamt that I was sleeping not only with her, but with her two best friends as well. This pissed her off so badly that she woke up, and couldn't get back to sleep. During this time, she was considering all the many different ways to kill me slowly and painfully.

Now, I normally get up around 3:30am for work. She doesn't have to be up until around 7am. So imagine my surprise when I'm walking into the living room, and I'm seeing my wife sitting on the couch, her head rotating on her shoulders, smoke, fire, and brimstone shooting out of her eyes ears mouth and nose!

Needless to say, I must have done SOMETHING good in a previous life, because I was still live at this point.

Anyway, she proceeded to confront me over my "affairs", and told me to admit to them..


I'm sorry, but I must have forgotten to keep my ticket for the reality train, and I'm still stuck here in la-la land... Give me a second, and I'll wake up.

I pinch myself.. Nope, I'm awake, and this is really happening.

Sad to say, I had to decline the offer, and we had a nice chance to bond (argue) over me and my indiscretions while I'm in her brain.

Now I don't know about the rest of you, but if you were able to control your actions while someone else was thinking of you, how would you react?

Me? I know that I can only control what I myself do, so I told her to stop dreaming about me, and everything would be fine.

Um, remind me next time that this ISN'T the best idea to tell a sleep-deprived woman.

So now, I've got an upset wife, a pissed off wife, and a frustrated psyche to deal with today.

Joy oh freaking joy! I must remember to buy a lottery ticket, because all of the wierd crap is coming to me today.

Next time, I think I'll talk about my great ability in talking with women, and knowing exactly what to say to set them off..

Until then, I'm out.


Anonymous said...

Lol oh shit.

You poor poor Man..

haha.. I do find it funny though that your wife dreamed that..

Maybe.. just maybe, you should pick on her for dreaming about her friends instead. Confront her as a lesbian. That might shut her up ;)

Jormengrund said...

Sad part is, if that were true, I'd want to join, and not confront!

Why oh why can't I have the best of BOTH worlds??

Thanks for the comment!

just a girl... said...

oh this is soooooooo me. I have had this dream and I don't know why but it will have her pissed till morning

Jormengrund said...

The best part is when you leave before she wakes up, and you get the "silent treatment" when you get home.

You don't know what's happened, and you don't know why. All you know is.. You're screwed, and not in a good way..

I tend to dread coming home sometimes because you never know when those freaking dreams will come around and bite you in the ass when you least expect it, you know??