Thursday, December 4, 2008

Thursday's Lecture..

Today I'm going to just talk about something that's been on my mind since I really started this blog.

I mean, most of my posts have been about my relationship, and the things that bother me, or what I've needed to do, or what she's done to upset me, etc, etc..

So with this in mind, for the next couple of weeks I'm going to talk about some serious stuff, and see what you all think.

If you have questions, and want me to do some research and look things up, feel free to mention it in the comments, and I'll do what I can to answer it.

With that being said, here's today's topic.

How to impress a girl:

Wine her
Dine her
Call her
Hug her
Support her
Hold her
Surprise her
Compliment her
Smile at her
Listen to her
Laugh with her
Cry with her
Romance her
Encourage her
Believe in her
Pray with her
Pray FOR her
Cuddle with her
Shop with her
Give her gifts
Send her flowers
Hold her hand
Write love letters
Go to the ends of the earth

How to impress a guy:

Show up naked
Bring food
Don’t block the TV.

Amazing, isn’t it?

The difference in relationships between a guy and girl is so diverse, there are times that I seriously wonder if we’ll ever get it right.

I mean, yeah. I stole this whole thing off one of my prank T-shirts at home, but it still speaks volumes about how men and women perceive relationships.

Take another shining example of my T-shirt wisdom:

10 Things men know about women:

10. Women have boobs

Yeah, I know it’s crude humor, but doesn’t this tend to reinforce the assumptions we all have about what guys look for, and what completely frustrates women who are still looking for “Mr. Right”?

I went to a seminar a few years back about couples and relationships. To be honest, I wasn’t sure that I was going to take anything back with me that would help me understand this alien that I’d decided I was completely head over heels in love with. But one of the analogies that I heard that weekend has stuck with me over the years, and I still get a chuckle from it.

It goes like this:

Sex to men is like needing water to drink. The human body needs water. It CRAVES water.

The keepers of this life-giving water that men so dearly crave is kept by the well-watching women in their lives. They’ve got the water, so why would they need anything more?

So men do just about anything in order to get the water they so desperately crave. They do “nice things”, they buy gifts, they put on a show, some buy water, some beg for water, but as stated above, ALL MEN ARE THIRSTY.

How is it that they’re able to get a drink from time to time?

That can only be explained by the well watchers, and they’re not talking….

I don’t fully agree with the last part of that statement, even though there are times when it feels true.

However, the key here is humorous, and it’s also quite serious as well.

Yeah, men LOVE sex. If you don’t believe me, then just check out the ratio of porn usage between men and women. Men are gratified just by SEEING sex, let alone experiencing sex.

Women, on the other hand, love to be pursued. To them, the game isn’t how fast a man can get into their pants as much as it’s how far you’re willing to go to prove your interest in them as a person. Can you interest her mind, gain her attention with humor, or impress her with your knowledge of arcane facts and trivia? These are all factors for the lady. Gain her attention, get her mind working, and you’re well on your way to a good relationship with her.

Sure, girls like physical stimulation as well, but it’s not the driving force for them like it is for men. Granted, this is statistics talking, and there are generalizations here, but a far greater percentage of women would prefer a long night of serious heart-to-heart talks over one night of mad sex. Being able to emotionally connect with their partner is something that most women only read about in cheesy romance novels. It’s tantalizing to think about, but stuff like that never really happens in real life, does it?

I say it can.

Now, I don’t think it’ll happen overnight. I’m not saying that it’s something you’re going to have happen on the first date, or your wedding day, or even on a 10th anniversary. But I really do believe that it can happen. The key to this is patience and communication.

Men have to be receptive to the wants and desires of the women in their lives. This doesn’t mean that you listen to them, and then interpret their desires as something you might like to do, and this will make them happy. No, just because you’re wanting sex does not mean that when she tells you she’s feeling lonely that you need an hour-long intimate lovemaking session. She’s telling you that this is something that is leaving her emotionally cut off from you, and it’s making her feel abandoned, and lonely. Sex isn’t going to fix this. We as men need to open our ears and minds and listen to the wants and needs communicated by these wonderful creatures, and hear what they’re really trying to say.

Women speak about feelings, emotions, just about anything they can think of..

Men? Well, we tend to speak about physical stuff, and cold, hard facts.

How do we break down the communication barrier?

That’s up to the two of you to decide.

I’ll talk more about ideas for this next week.


gottaluvme3 said...

Who are you and what did you do with my husband?? LOL

just a girl... said...

I agree 100% its well known fact that men are physical and women are emotional. I don't know how we make it work. I love watching porn, I love the football but I also loved to be cuddled. I believe that love is work. I believe that you have to be ready, and I believe that you have to have trust.

For me personally I am not getting married till I am 45.

Dana said...

Let me say this though ...

The burden of communication should *NOT* lie completely on the man (or the woman). This is something that *must* be compromised and if it isn't, one party or the other will tire of being the one to make the effort ALL.OF.THE.TIME!

Trust me ... I speak from experience!

PinkPiddyPaws said...

You mean really ARE simple creatures. The problem is that we women are NOT. Mars/Venus. It's true!

Jormengrund said...

Hon: Don't know, really don't care at the moment. I'm being serious here, and it kind of bothers me that you'd try to joke about this when I'm trying to communicate. To be honest, it just belittles what I've written.

Maybe I need to listen more.. I think I'll re-read my post, and see where I went wrong..

Jormengrund said...

JAG: Yeah, it's a given that MOST guys and MOST girls will react this way. However, it's not set in stone. There is a TON of work to be done in a successful marriage. Not just in communication, but also in deed, in health, in love.. If both parties aren't giving 200%, then at some point there's going to be a lingering resentment to the partner that isn't giving as much to the relationship..

If you choose to put off marriage, that's fine. Some get married early, and stay that way. Others get married late and enjoy life. But for each positive example, there's also a negative one as well. Taking liberally from Dana's post yesterday, some folks show one face, yet are something else underneath. These are the cases where things tend to fall apart very quickly.

Jormengrund said...

Dana: Yes, you're right. Communication isn't just about one person talking and one person listening. The marriage HAS to have both parties giving as much as they can. As I told JAG if each isn't giving 200% of their effort to the marriage, then resentment usually starts at some point. This is what causes the feelings of anxiety, animocity, and anger. Those three emotions have torn apart marriages since the beginning of time, and they continue to prey on the unwary.

Jormengrund said...

Piddy: Yup. I'd love to tell you more, but I'm saving up for next week!

Just read the rantings I put on for JAG and Dana, and I'm sure you can guess what I'll be talking about then!

gottaluvme3 said...

It helps if you practice what you preach....

Real Live Lesbian said...

I think you've nailed it. Precisely why I've been able to get into so many women's pants. ;)

Women really aren't that hard if you'll respect and listen to them.

Go see my's all for you big guy!

Siren said...

Good points something to really think about. Giving my track record I am not sure what makes a man "stick around" I can tell you it is not sex, you can do everything -EVERYTHING- to please them and they still leave. Men are just as much a mystery as women are.

Chat Blanc said...

male-female relationships are tough! I kinda sucked at them so I gave them up for Lent a few years ago. :)

AngieSS said...

Well, ya got me. I've been with the same man for 20+ years, married for 19 of those years and I still have no idea why the hell it works! I guess he always tries to let me be right and I don't rub it in that he is always

Seriously, which doesn't happen often, I think it boils down to respect. Respect that your significant other has a right to be who they are and you have NO right to try and change them.

Oh, and I would also add "bring a 6-pack" on the impress a man list!