Yup, it's Tuesday again, and I've gotta get some things off my chest, so here's posting number one:
I'm a selfish bastard.
Lil' old me.
I don't know what it is about my mentality, but whenever I get something, I tend to think about how it is going to benefit me, and what I'd get out of it.
Cash, what I can get myself.
Food, how many meals I can make out of it.
The list could go on, and on, and on...
What is it about me that makes me have a knee-jerk reaction like this?
Why can't I act like other folks I know, and think about other people first, and myself AT LEAST second?
What has caused this seeming greed that I tend to show at the worst possible times?
I don't know..
I do know that it really bothers me at times.
Get this scenario:
I'm given a small amount of money. In my mind, I'm already divvying up the amount, and figuring out what I could get myself with it. Let's see, there's that book I've been wanting, and I could get a couple of cheesburgers for lunch.. I can budget the rest for a soda each day at work..
Are you seeing this?
If my wife sees that I've gotten money, we'll talk, and then I do the more responsible thing, and take care of the necessities: Gas. Bills. Kids.
Why is it that I need to talk it over in order to do the "right" thing with my money? What has caused me to be so irresponsible?
Again, I don't know.
I don't know why I'm so greedy and selfish about things.
I do know that I'd like to change this behavior, I just don't really know where to start at right now with everything else personality-wise that I'm already trying to change..
Maybe I'll just shelf this for a time when I'm NOT working on another character flaw..
After all, looking out for myself got me to where I am today, didn't it?
Well, DIDN'T it?