2-Fer Tuesday

Yup, it's Tuesday again, and I've gotta get some things off my chest, so here's posting number one:


I'm a selfish bastard.

Yup.

Lil' old me.

I don't know what it is about my mentality, but whenever I get something, I tend to think about how it is going to benefit me, and what I'd get out of it.

Cash, what I can get myself.

Food, how many meals I can make out of it.

The list could go on, and on, and on...

What is it about me that makes me have a knee-jerk reaction like this?

Why can't I act like other folks I know, and think about other people first, and myself AT LEAST second?

What has caused this seeming greed that I tend to show at the worst possible times?

I don't know..

I do know that it really bothers me at times.

Get this scenario:

I'm given a small amount of money. In my mind, I'm already divvying up the amount, and figuring out what I could get myself with it. Let's see, there's that book I've been wanting, and I could get a couple of cheesburgers for lunch.. I can budget the rest for a soda each day at work..

Are you seeing this?

If my wife sees that I've gotten money, we'll talk, and then I do the more responsible thing, and take care of the necessities: Gas. Bills. Kids.

Why is it that I need to talk it over in order to do the "right" thing with my money? What has caused me to be so irresponsible?

Again, I don't know.

I don't know why I'm so greedy and selfish about things.

I do know that I'd like to change this behavior, I just don't really know where to start at right now with everything else personality-wise that I'm already trying to change..

Maybe I'll just shelf this for a time when I'm NOT working on another character flaw..

After all, looking out for myself got me to where I am today, didn't it?

Well, DIDN'T it?