I'm at a loss.
There's really no other way to describe it. In one short simple phrase, it's gone. My wife, my family, my livelihood.. GONE.
As of yesterday, hope has taken a leave of absence. It's pretty much final. My marriage is over.
How do I feel?
Bewildered. Stunned. Lost.
Yet, I'm angry. Pissed. Upset with myself, and with my wife-soon-to-be-second-ex. I feel terrible for my kids. I feel hounded by my bad decisions and confused by some of her reactions to things that really had no effect on her or our relationship, yet she chose to make them so.
I'm offended.
The last time I talked with her, she told me that one of her major decisions in calling it quits was because of my failure to fight harder to keep my kids.
That comment really kind of pushed me over the edge.
Want to know why?
I can barely afford to keep myself in a small room at a friend's house and pay for my car and cell phone. I can't really pitch much in in the way of groceries, let alone sundries like laundry detergent or toothpaste.
Now, on that limited budget try to figure out how you're going to get medical coverage for three kids, plus feed them, clothe them, pay for their meals while at school or daycare. Hell, try to figure out how to pay for daycare!
I'm not perfect, but I do want what's best for my kids. I can't provide for them on my own, but my ex, she's married and has a stable income and a house to live in. That's WAY more than I can provide right now.
Did I want to let her have them? HELL NO.
However, the choice had been made for me long before I had to start looking. Was I supposed to sit around and daydream about "what if's" and "maybes"? Not where they're concerned. If it was just for myself, I probably would have. I can't afford that kind of time where they're concerned.
To be honest, right now I'm of a mindset that if this marriage ends, she can take from it what she brought into it. That means that my kids aren't going to be seeing her, if I have any kind of say in the matter.
But there's another side of me that knows how much of a caring person she is, and how good of a mother she was to my kids. I'm finding it really hard to reconcile that person with the person I'm seeing right now. I'm trying, but it's DAMN HARD.
So for now, I guess it's just going to be me trying to pick up the pieces I have left, and move on.
Alone.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Yet another annoying rant coming on....
Ok.
First off, I get that folks would be upset at me for thinking that weight loss is a simple matter. Heck, I'm overweight, why can't I get it done?
However, to back up my argument, here's how I see it:
First off, there's moderation, like I posted earlier. Take everything in moderated amounts. THAT INCLUDES EXERCISE, NOT JUST FOOD.
Secondly, you have to stick with this. You have to want to make it work, and you have to be dedicated enough to go through with it RAIN OR SHINE. Just because it's a nasty day out doesn't mean that you get a free pass. It means that you get creative, and find some other way of getting your exercise in without walking that mile uphill, or whatever.
Personally, I'm overweight because I really don't care. Plain and simple. I'm comfortable with myself. Yeah, it'd be nice to have the fit and toned body that I had when I came out of the service, but that was 20 years ago, and I'm not going to put myself through the rigors I went through to get there again.
Plus, I love food. I like the taste, I love the textures, I love the smells, and I love to eat. I enjoy cooking it, eating it, preparing it.. The whole nine yards.
I actually DO exercise. I don't exercise nearly enough for the amount of crap I put into myself, but I do get out and get active. I play volleyball three times a week for about 2-2 1/2 hours each time. It's fun, it's active, and it gets the sweat flowing and the muscles moving.
If I could restrain myself from taking in so much crap, I'm sure that I'd drop weight, and get down in pounds and sizes. However, because of my care-free attitude, I don't. I'm not blaming anyone but myself for how I am, and where I'm at. I don't eat because I'm stressed, I don't eat because I'm angry, I don't eat to take out aggression or passion about something. I eat because I love to eat, 'nuff said.
Now, I know that there are healthier ways to prepare foods. I also know that there are better items out there to eat besides red meat and beer. That being said, I also know that if I decide to fix steak and potatoes, I don't eat an entire pound of steak and six helpings of potatoes, and instead opt for a reasonable cut, and one medium baked potato will suffice. I mean, c'mon! This seriously ISN'T rocket science!
I've taken nutrition courses. I've cooked the "regular" and "weight-saving" ways. To be honest, aside from the meat substitutions, it's really not much different! The calories are still there, the carbs actually get higher with some more "health conscious" foods if you're not careful, and sodium increases with some of the preparations you make in the "healthier" meals.
Basically, if you pay attention, READ what you're putting into stuff, moderate what you eat, and balance that with exercise, you're going to lose weight, and slim down. I know that saying this seems simple, and to be honest I really think it is. You just have to make it a priority, and stick with it. Habits are formed easily. If you can stick with a habit of buying and preparing healthy food, plus exercising daily.. You'll lose the weight.
I don't see what all the hype is, really. Get a gym membership. Buy some cookbooks, and instead of going with red meats, substitute chicken or turkey. Eat more fish. Make meals smaller, and have a couple more during the day. Instead of three square meals, have five. Breakfast, after breakfast, lunch, midday, and dinner. Or, if you want, snack ALL DAY, but don't actually sit down for a serious meal. Whatever you decide, you need to stick with. BUT ADD THE EXERCISE. You could seriously eat like a mouse, and hardly take in anything during the day. But if you don't exercise, and sit on your butt, you're still going to mushroom. Take in food, burn it off by swimming, or running, or playing basketball, or some such thing. JUST BE CONSISTENT. If it rains, go run on the treadmill instead of outside. Just make sure that you're dedicated to not only feeding yourself, but exercising as well.
I'm done ranting. I know that this will probably offend all of you, since each and every time I've said something along these lines, it pisses folks off.. So be it. If you don't like what I say, you honestly don't have to come back here and read it!
First off, I get that folks would be upset at me for thinking that weight loss is a simple matter. Heck, I'm overweight, why can't I get it done?
However, to back up my argument, here's how I see it:
First off, there's moderation, like I posted earlier. Take everything in moderated amounts. THAT INCLUDES EXERCISE, NOT JUST FOOD.
Secondly, you have to stick with this. You have to want to make it work, and you have to be dedicated enough to go through with it RAIN OR SHINE. Just because it's a nasty day out doesn't mean that you get a free pass. It means that you get creative, and find some other way of getting your exercise in without walking that mile uphill, or whatever.
Personally, I'm overweight because I really don't care. Plain and simple. I'm comfortable with myself. Yeah, it'd be nice to have the fit and toned body that I had when I came out of the service, but that was 20 years ago, and I'm not going to put myself through the rigors I went through to get there again.
Plus, I love food. I like the taste, I love the textures, I love the smells, and I love to eat. I enjoy cooking it, eating it, preparing it.. The whole nine yards.
I actually DO exercise. I don't exercise nearly enough for the amount of crap I put into myself, but I do get out and get active. I play volleyball three times a week for about 2-2 1/2 hours each time. It's fun, it's active, and it gets the sweat flowing and the muscles moving.
If I could restrain myself from taking in so much crap, I'm sure that I'd drop weight, and get down in pounds and sizes. However, because of my care-free attitude, I don't. I'm not blaming anyone but myself for how I am, and where I'm at. I don't eat because I'm stressed, I don't eat because I'm angry, I don't eat to take out aggression or passion about something. I eat because I love to eat, 'nuff said.
Now, I know that there are healthier ways to prepare foods. I also know that there are better items out there to eat besides red meat and beer. That being said, I also know that if I decide to fix steak and potatoes, I don't eat an entire pound of steak and six helpings of potatoes, and instead opt for a reasonable cut, and one medium baked potato will suffice. I mean, c'mon! This seriously ISN'T rocket science!
I've taken nutrition courses. I've cooked the "regular" and "weight-saving" ways. To be honest, aside from the meat substitutions, it's really not much different! The calories are still there, the carbs actually get higher with some more "health conscious" foods if you're not careful, and sodium increases with some of the preparations you make in the "healthier" meals.
Basically, if you pay attention, READ what you're putting into stuff, moderate what you eat, and balance that with exercise, you're going to lose weight, and slim down. I know that saying this seems simple, and to be honest I really think it is. You just have to make it a priority, and stick with it. Habits are formed easily. If you can stick with a habit of buying and preparing healthy food, plus exercising daily.. You'll lose the weight.
I don't see what all the hype is, really. Get a gym membership. Buy some cookbooks, and instead of going with red meats, substitute chicken or turkey. Eat more fish. Make meals smaller, and have a couple more during the day. Instead of three square meals, have five. Breakfast, after breakfast, lunch, midday, and dinner. Or, if you want, snack ALL DAY, but don't actually sit down for a serious meal. Whatever you decide, you need to stick with. BUT ADD THE EXERCISE. You could seriously eat like a mouse, and hardly take in anything during the day. But if you don't exercise, and sit on your butt, you're still going to mushroom. Take in food, burn it off by swimming, or running, or playing basketball, or some such thing. JUST BE CONSISTENT. If it rains, go run on the treadmill instead of outside. Just make sure that you're dedicated to not only feeding yourself, but exercising as well.
I'm done ranting. I know that this will probably offend all of you, since each and every time I've said something along these lines, it pisses folks off.. So be it. If you don't like what I say, you honestly don't have to come back here and read it!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
ARRGH!
I'm frustrated. I'm confused. I'm pissed..
Well, since I'm writing, that's usually a given, isn't it?
What makes behavior in one person acceptable to someone, while the same behavior from someone else is completely intolerable?
Is there some kind of magic switch that makes us view things from specific people radically different from others?
Take this for example:
I've got two dogs. However, since moving out, the dogs have stayed at the house with the sister-in-law who has been living with us for the past TWO years. I took said dogs to the groomers, and brought them back. Upon dropping by the house today to check for any mail, I found the dogs still outside, no water, dirty, unkept, and I'm not really sure if they were fed, either.
I proceeded to complain about this to my wife. I also stated that if taking care of the dogs was too much for the sister-in-law, I'd be willing to dog-sit them until wife got home, and bring them back up to the house.
In response, I got a snooty reply, letting me know that _I_ wasn't such a good person to take care of the dogs, either, and to stop writing negative emails to her, as she's enjoying her time there, and doesn't want to spoil anything.
So, it's ok for Sis to mistreat the dogs, because obviously I did it too, right? Um, excuse me? I got kicked out of the house! Shouldn't the same kind of treatment be levied against good 'ol sister too? If not that, maybe some kind of nice, long silent treatment, with a good long bitch session two or three days later?
If this were my brother, I can guarantee you that she'd be up in arms over the way he'd been treating the dogs, and he'd be a bastard for life. However, it's her sister, her family, and nothing and nobody is going to be able to show her that things aren't going well there.
Honestly, I don't want to bitch and complain to her about things here. I would LOVE for things here to be nice, and peaceful, and happy-go-lucky.
However, reality dictates that I be sincere. I get in too much trouble when I start making things up, and honesty is the best policy, correct? Here's a reality check for you: Just because you're having a nice time AT A RESORT doesn't mean that REAL LIFE IS GOING TO STOP FOR YOU. Sure, you might have put it on "hold" for a bit, but the fact of the matter is that you're going to have to face the things you've put aside, and deal with them eventually whether you want to or not.
I've offered to help. I've tried to be supportive. Hell, I've bent over backwards to do what she's asked, even when I don't agree with it.
I just can't anymore.
WAKE UP.
You're at a camp to learn how to lose weight, and keep with a program. However, I don't think it teaches you how to say "no" to your desires of grabbing an easy fast-food lunch when you're out with clients. I also don't think they teach you the willpower to say "no" to friends when they keep pestering you to go eat appetizers at your favorite restaurants. They give you skills you need in order to fix your meals, and exercise. They don't teach you self-restraint and common sense. Those are assumed to have been learned. However, if you've gotten into the habit of putting something aside "just this once" a few times too often, you get into a vicious circle of starting off strong, and fading quickly thereafter.
Sad, but that's what I see happening here. It's the same with any diet program that I've seen taken in action. Binge, purge, workouts, exercise, nutrition, Atkins, whatever you want. You start it, stay focused for a while, make headway, and celebrate by letting go for a bit. Then you buckle down to start in again, but not as strict as the last time. Not as much of a result, disillusionment sets in, and it starts sliding backwards from there.
Wow. At first this was a rant against Sister In Law and my wife's protection of her, and it's turned into a flame against my wife's drive for yet another diet and exercise program.
It's late. I should get to bed.
Think about this for a second:
Moderation has always been the key for stable weight loss and dieting. If you consistently exercise, and moderate how much you eat, you'll lose weight, or maintain the weight that you want to be at. Granted, it's not going to be some HUGE weight loss that you'll document for a couple of weeks. It's going to be gradual, and it's going to take time and effort. (GASP!) Yes.. TIME and EFFORT. You have to work at it (consiously!) in order to make it effective and work.
Anyway, that's my bitch. Read or ignore at your leisure.
Well, since I'm writing, that's usually a given, isn't it?
What makes behavior in one person acceptable to someone, while the same behavior from someone else is completely intolerable?
Is there some kind of magic switch that makes us view things from specific people radically different from others?
Take this for example:
I've got two dogs. However, since moving out, the dogs have stayed at the house with the sister-in-law who has been living with us for the past TWO years. I took said dogs to the groomers, and brought them back. Upon dropping by the house today to check for any mail, I found the dogs still outside, no water, dirty, unkept, and I'm not really sure if they were fed, either.
I proceeded to complain about this to my wife. I also stated that if taking care of the dogs was too much for the sister-in-law, I'd be willing to dog-sit them until wife got home, and bring them back up to the house.
In response, I got a snooty reply, letting me know that _I_ wasn't such a good person to take care of the dogs, either, and to stop writing negative emails to her, as she's enjoying her time there, and doesn't want to spoil anything.
So, it's ok for Sis to mistreat the dogs, because obviously I did it too, right? Um, excuse me? I got kicked out of the house! Shouldn't the same kind of treatment be levied against good 'ol sister too? If not that, maybe some kind of nice, long silent treatment, with a good long bitch session two or three days later?
If this were my brother, I can guarantee you that she'd be up in arms over the way he'd been treating the dogs, and he'd be a bastard for life. However, it's her sister, her family, and nothing and nobody is going to be able to show her that things aren't going well there.
Honestly, I don't want to bitch and complain to her about things here. I would LOVE for things here to be nice, and peaceful, and happy-go-lucky.
However, reality dictates that I be sincere. I get in too much trouble when I start making things up, and honesty is the best policy, correct? Here's a reality check for you: Just because you're having a nice time AT A RESORT doesn't mean that REAL LIFE IS GOING TO STOP FOR YOU. Sure, you might have put it on "hold" for a bit, but the fact of the matter is that you're going to have to face the things you've put aside, and deal with them eventually whether you want to or not.
I've offered to help. I've tried to be supportive. Hell, I've bent over backwards to do what she's asked, even when I don't agree with it.
I just can't anymore.
WAKE UP.
You're at a camp to learn how to lose weight, and keep with a program. However, I don't think it teaches you how to say "no" to your desires of grabbing an easy fast-food lunch when you're out with clients. I also don't think they teach you the willpower to say "no" to friends when they keep pestering you to go eat appetizers at your favorite restaurants. They give you skills you need in order to fix your meals, and exercise. They don't teach you self-restraint and common sense. Those are assumed to have been learned. However, if you've gotten into the habit of putting something aside "just this once" a few times too often, you get into a vicious circle of starting off strong, and fading quickly thereafter.
Sad, but that's what I see happening here. It's the same with any diet program that I've seen taken in action. Binge, purge, workouts, exercise, nutrition, Atkins, whatever you want. You start it, stay focused for a while, make headway, and celebrate by letting go for a bit. Then you buckle down to start in again, but not as strict as the last time. Not as much of a result, disillusionment sets in, and it starts sliding backwards from there.
Wow. At first this was a rant against Sister In Law and my wife's protection of her, and it's turned into a flame against my wife's drive for yet another diet and exercise program.
It's late. I should get to bed.
Think about this for a second:
Moderation has always been the key for stable weight loss and dieting. If you consistently exercise, and moderate how much you eat, you'll lose weight, or maintain the weight that you want to be at. Granted, it's not going to be some HUGE weight loss that you'll document for a couple of weeks. It's going to be gradual, and it's going to take time and effort. (GASP!) Yes.. TIME and EFFORT. You have to work at it (consiously!) in order to make it effective and work.
Anyway, that's my bitch. Read or ignore at your leisure.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Time to pick the collective brain...
Do you ever really think that something could be beyond repair?
I mean, if you were committed to working and compromising for whatever it took, could something REALLY be beyond repair?
I ask, because I know that I would give anything, everything, and maybe even more to put my marriage back.
I'm not sure if my wife knows this. I mean, she gives me the lip service telling me that she does, yet her actions don't really seem to suit the words and phrases that she gives me, you know?
Anyway, I'm now moved in to my "new" place. I'm not settled, but I have moved. I still check on the house, make sure everything's taken care of while she's gone. To be honest, I don't know what else to do, really.
I'm asking her if she's wanting me to pick her up from the airport when she gets back, or if she doesn't want to see me and has other plans made....
We'll find out, won't we?
I mean, if you were committed to working and compromising for whatever it took, could something REALLY be beyond repair?
I ask, because I know that I would give anything, everything, and maybe even more to put my marriage back.
I'm not sure if my wife knows this. I mean, she gives me the lip service telling me that she does, yet her actions don't really seem to suit the words and phrases that she gives me, you know?
Anyway, I'm now moved in to my "new" place. I'm not settled, but I have moved. I still check on the house, make sure everything's taken care of while she's gone. To be honest, I don't know what else to do, really.
I'm asking her if she's wanting me to pick her up from the airport when she gets back, or if she doesn't want to see me and has other plans made....
We'll find out, won't we?
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Confession
Well, I swore to myself that I was going to leave blogging alone, and not come back. However, since I've basically lied to everyone else, why not myself as well?
This weekend, I get to move what little I have of my own to a new place. Yes, the wife has asked me to move out, and see if we can't start over. However, knowing her mindset, this is basically goodbye, don't bother calling us, we'll call you.
Not only that, but with my limited income, I've had to send my kids back to live with my ex. I _really_ can't stand that part, but there's really nothing else I can do here. I can't ask my wife to watch my own kids while I'm living someplace else, now can I? Not only that, but she and my oldest don't get along at all, and I can guarantee you that she wouldn't deal with that one. Sure, she might be willing for the younger two, but considering that I've got THREE kids, not just two, that deal isn't going to work for me. If I could afford it, I'd keep them with me, but in order to have a house where we could LIVE, I'd need to make twice as much as I do, and prove that I can bring in THREE TIMES that monthly. I hate to admit it, but there really are times where I wish I'd been more attentive in school, and finished it.
I'm floundering. I'm lost. I've heard a song recently that seems to speak directly to me as if I thought it all up, and someone else wrote it all down, and put it to music. The song is by the group The Script, and it's called "Break Even".
Here's a little taste of the song:
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathin'
Just prayin' to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I've got time while she's got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks well it don't break even
I can relate wholeheartedly to this one set of lines. Yeah, I'm here. I'm functioning. I'm still plodding on day by day. However, I don't have any joy in it anymore. I could really care less how each day turns out, because the next one will be quite similar. Same shit, different day.
I pray for some kind of change. Some kind of sign, some kind of hope. However, I don't believe it will, I don't believe that it can, and I really hold no hope because if there were a God out there, HOW COULD HE LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME TWICE?? No, not once.. TWICE. I've put my heart and soul into changing and becoming a better husband and father. I'm miles away from where I was just 10 short years ago. I know I've still got miles to go. Yet with all of that, I don't care. Why? Because I've lost my family. My kids are at my ex's house. My wife's left me. My real reason for change isn't there anymore. My hope, my will, my desire is GONE.
My wife's at a resort right now trying to change her life. She's working to become more comfortable in her own skin. She's trying to learn how to develop the skills and techniques she needs to operate in this crazy world without losing her sense of self. I'm all for it. She needs that confidence and those skills. Hell, I basically forced her to go when she started talking about putting her trip off for a later date.
Yet, as she stays there, alone, without me, without the stresses of life and family, she gets further and further away, and it becomes much easier to just let us go. Distance does that to us all. Out of sight, out of mind, out of life. She's got the freedom, I've got nothing but time to think about how screwed up I've made this entire thing. I've got nothing but time to think about all of my flaws, my failures, my setbacks, my losses. When your marriage is ending it's really difficult to see any kind of success, you know?
I have a new job. The hours suck. The days suck. It's a nice job, if I can just get over the days and hours that I work. I'm sure I'll be able to at some point, but for now it just sucks balls. Yeah, there's some nice benefits and perks, but all in all, it's a shit job, and we all know it. I've got to make the income somehow, though. Because of this, I'll deal, and hope for something better.
I don't know if I'll write anymore, but this was just me trying to vent, and get things off my chest before I self imploded. I hope and pray that any of my readers don't fall into this problem I have, and that you live life to the fullest, cherishing and enjoying each moment like it was your last.. Because from my viewpoint, it very well could be. Take care, take heart, and be good to each other.
Jorm
This weekend, I get to move what little I have of my own to a new place. Yes, the wife has asked me to move out, and see if we can't start over. However, knowing her mindset, this is basically goodbye, don't bother calling us, we'll call you.
Not only that, but with my limited income, I've had to send my kids back to live with my ex. I _really_ can't stand that part, but there's really nothing else I can do here. I can't ask my wife to watch my own kids while I'm living someplace else, now can I? Not only that, but she and my oldest don't get along at all, and I can guarantee you that she wouldn't deal with that one. Sure, she might be willing for the younger two, but considering that I've got THREE kids, not just two, that deal isn't going to work for me. If I could afford it, I'd keep them with me, but in order to have a house where we could LIVE, I'd need to make twice as much as I do, and prove that I can bring in THREE TIMES that monthly. I hate to admit it, but there really are times where I wish I'd been more attentive in school, and finished it.
I'm floundering. I'm lost. I've heard a song recently that seems to speak directly to me as if I thought it all up, and someone else wrote it all down, and put it to music. The song is by the group The Script, and it's called "Break Even".
Here's a little taste of the song:
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathin'
Just prayin' to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I've got time while she's got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks well it don't break even
I can relate wholeheartedly to this one set of lines. Yeah, I'm here. I'm functioning. I'm still plodding on day by day. However, I don't have any joy in it anymore. I could really care less how each day turns out, because the next one will be quite similar. Same shit, different day.
I pray for some kind of change. Some kind of sign, some kind of hope. However, I don't believe it will, I don't believe that it can, and I really hold no hope because if there were a God out there, HOW COULD HE LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME TWICE?? No, not once.. TWICE. I've put my heart and soul into changing and becoming a better husband and father. I'm miles away from where I was just 10 short years ago. I know I've still got miles to go. Yet with all of that, I don't care. Why? Because I've lost my family. My kids are at my ex's house. My wife's left me. My real reason for change isn't there anymore. My hope, my will, my desire is GONE.
My wife's at a resort right now trying to change her life. She's working to become more comfortable in her own skin. She's trying to learn how to develop the skills and techniques she needs to operate in this crazy world without losing her sense of self. I'm all for it. She needs that confidence and those skills. Hell, I basically forced her to go when she started talking about putting her trip off for a later date.
Yet, as she stays there, alone, without me, without the stresses of life and family, she gets further and further away, and it becomes much easier to just let us go. Distance does that to us all. Out of sight, out of mind, out of life. She's got the freedom, I've got nothing but time to think about how screwed up I've made this entire thing. I've got nothing but time to think about all of my flaws, my failures, my setbacks, my losses. When your marriage is ending it's really difficult to see any kind of success, you know?
I have a new job. The hours suck. The days suck. It's a nice job, if I can just get over the days and hours that I work. I'm sure I'll be able to at some point, but for now it just sucks balls. Yeah, there's some nice benefits and perks, but all in all, it's a shit job, and we all know it. I've got to make the income somehow, though. Because of this, I'll deal, and hope for something better.
I don't know if I'll write anymore, but this was just me trying to vent, and get things off my chest before I self imploded. I hope and pray that any of my readers don't fall into this problem I have, and that you live life to the fullest, cherishing and enjoying each moment like it was your last.. Because from my viewpoint, it very well could be. Take care, take heart, and be good to each other.
Jorm
Friday, January 22, 2010
My Most Sincere and Deepest Apologies..
As some of you (those choice few who have been reading this blog for a while) know, I've been having on-again off-again problems with my marriage.
I know for a fact that 90% of it has to do with me, and my behavior.
Why?
Because, for all of my age, I'm just an older version of a child, really.
Sad, but true.
I enjoy video games. I escape to them quite frequently, and get completely absorbed into the nothingness that comes from diving into a fantasy, and not coming back to the real world for a while.
I'm a liar. Not a good one, but I _am_ a liar.
Why?
I don't know. Sometimes it's because of fear. Other times, it's because I don't like how it's going to make me look if I answer honestly. Sometimes I just say something because I don't want to listen to the conversation and the track it's taking. It's never the same reason, but it's the same result. I've been trying to kick this habit for YEARS, and each time I think I've got it under control, it comes back even worse than before.
I'm not the best father.
I've known this for years as well. If it weren't for my wife, I probably would still be living out of some dump, barely scraping by, and visiting the kids about once a month (if that) when I felt the need. I'd never have been as involved in their care, never noticed the abuses they'd been subjected to, and never have gained custody of these grand babies if it hadn't been for her.
Now? Even though I've got them, I still don't interact with them near as much as I should. Most times I'm camped out in front of a TV set watching a show, or playing a video game, or reading a book, and don't pay attention to their questions, or their pictures they've made, or any of a number of things that I should really enjoy and cherish.
I'm missing my kids growing up, and to be honest, I don't know how I feel about it.
I know I should be upset. I know that I should be kicking myself in the butt, and doing something to rectify the problem. But there's also a part of me that keeps asking "what problem?"
You see, I keep thinking back to my own childhood, and I see myself doing and acting the same way my dad did. He'd join me every once in a while to play, but more often than not, he was in the bathroom with a book, crashed out in front of the TV while his shows were on, or buried in the back office pouring over bills and the home finances.
I've substituted video games for the bills, since I'm not worth crap at budgets. However, the behaviors are all mine.
I keep rationalizing with myself that my kids are still being raised better, because they don't live in fear of being beaten when I get home. That's something I lived with from my mom, and there are still days that a certain tone in her voice will give me cold chills. My kids don't have to deal with that. In fact, they get upset if I have to raise my voice, so I usually don't have to resort to any kind of physical punishment at all.
Then there's the part of me that is an inconsiderate ass to my wife.
Apparently, I don't know how to be a good husband, either.
Yeah, I've seen all the "trophy" husbands who do it all, know it all, and can still work 14-ish hours a day. I'm not one of them.
I know some things. Others, I can fake. Most, I just shrug and think that we should get someone who knows what they're doing, and pay them for it.
I'm not like my Father-in-law. I don't go and LOOK for things to do. if someone comes to me and lets me know that something's wrong, I'll take the time to go see what I can do about it. If I can't do it, or don't know what the problem is, I'll find someone else who can.
I'm not someone who runs a tight ship. I don't double-bag my garbage so that my garbage can doesn't stink. I don't take extra-special care of my yard tools to make sure they don't rust more than they should. I don't have special tools for various projects.
However, I am better than my father at being around the house.
I'm not better than my mom at doing things around the house.
Yes, there's housework to be done. There's yardwork that needs to be taken care of. There's various other things that need attention. I can do them, but how often? At what times?
Apparently, when I decide to do something about things, it's "too little, too late" or something along those lines.
Hell, according to my Mother-in-law, I should magically KNOW what I'm supposed to do, and just do it.
I didn't know that by growing older, you'd gain the knowledge of how to do things, the timing of needing to get things done, and just be able to go out and do them.
So I'm useless, inconsiderate, and a basic jerk.
Not only that, but I'm a lecher.
Yeah.
I like girls. I flirt. I tease.
However, I'm a coward.
I can talk and tease and flirt, but if it came down to it, I don't think I could ever "finish the deal".
Sure, I enjoy the attention. After all, if I didn't, would I have really started writing this blog?
However, this has gotten me in trouble as well. Because I'm not willing to change my behavior, it's hurting my wife, and pushing her further away from me. I tried to hide it, but like any idiot, I've left things out there that have given her probable cause to distrust me yet again.
I can say until I'm blue in the face that I would never do things to dishonor her, but given my penchant for lying, and my love of attention, girls, and flirting, how can she really trust or believe what I say?
My only hope here is that I haven't gone too far. That there's some way, some action I can take that will repair all of the damage I've done.
I want to grow up.
I want to be a man.
I want to be a father. Hell, I've love to be a daddy.
I want to be a husband.
For now, I'd take being wanted.
We'll see what happens.
I'm going for counselling, and I hope I can break the habits.
Until then, I'm going to have to stop blogging, and in doing so, I hope to remove some of the temptation I have for exaggeration, flirting, and what not.
I apologize to you, my reader(s) if this upsets you, but I need to get my life straight.
I hope you can understand, and I wish you all the best.
I know for a fact that 90% of it has to do with me, and my behavior.
Why?
Because, for all of my age, I'm just an older version of a child, really.
Sad, but true.
I enjoy video games. I escape to them quite frequently, and get completely absorbed into the nothingness that comes from diving into a fantasy, and not coming back to the real world for a while.
I'm a liar. Not a good one, but I _am_ a liar.
Why?
I don't know. Sometimes it's because of fear. Other times, it's because I don't like how it's going to make me look if I answer honestly. Sometimes I just say something because I don't want to listen to the conversation and the track it's taking. It's never the same reason, but it's the same result. I've been trying to kick this habit for YEARS, and each time I think I've got it under control, it comes back even worse than before.
I'm not the best father.
I've known this for years as well. If it weren't for my wife, I probably would still be living out of some dump, barely scraping by, and visiting the kids about once a month (if that) when I felt the need. I'd never have been as involved in their care, never noticed the abuses they'd been subjected to, and never have gained custody of these grand babies if it hadn't been for her.
Now? Even though I've got them, I still don't interact with them near as much as I should. Most times I'm camped out in front of a TV set watching a show, or playing a video game, or reading a book, and don't pay attention to their questions, or their pictures they've made, or any of a number of things that I should really enjoy and cherish.
I'm missing my kids growing up, and to be honest, I don't know how I feel about it.
I know I should be upset. I know that I should be kicking myself in the butt, and doing something to rectify the problem. But there's also a part of me that keeps asking "what problem?"
You see, I keep thinking back to my own childhood, and I see myself doing and acting the same way my dad did. He'd join me every once in a while to play, but more often than not, he was in the bathroom with a book, crashed out in front of the TV while his shows were on, or buried in the back office pouring over bills and the home finances.
I've substituted video games for the bills, since I'm not worth crap at budgets. However, the behaviors are all mine.
I keep rationalizing with myself that my kids are still being raised better, because they don't live in fear of being beaten when I get home. That's something I lived with from my mom, and there are still days that a certain tone in her voice will give me cold chills. My kids don't have to deal with that. In fact, they get upset if I have to raise my voice, so I usually don't have to resort to any kind of physical punishment at all.
Then there's the part of me that is an inconsiderate ass to my wife.
Apparently, I don't know how to be a good husband, either.
Yeah, I've seen all the "trophy" husbands who do it all, know it all, and can still work 14-ish hours a day. I'm not one of them.
I know some things. Others, I can fake. Most, I just shrug and think that we should get someone who knows what they're doing, and pay them for it.
I'm not like my Father-in-law. I don't go and LOOK for things to do. if someone comes to me and lets me know that something's wrong, I'll take the time to go see what I can do about it. If I can't do it, or don't know what the problem is, I'll find someone else who can.
I'm not someone who runs a tight ship. I don't double-bag my garbage so that my garbage can doesn't stink. I don't take extra-special care of my yard tools to make sure they don't rust more than they should. I don't have special tools for various projects.
However, I am better than my father at being around the house.
I'm not better than my mom at doing things around the house.
Yes, there's housework to be done. There's yardwork that needs to be taken care of. There's various other things that need attention. I can do them, but how often? At what times?
Apparently, when I decide to do something about things, it's "too little, too late" or something along those lines.
Hell, according to my Mother-in-law, I should magically KNOW what I'm supposed to do, and just do it.
I didn't know that by growing older, you'd gain the knowledge of how to do things, the timing of needing to get things done, and just be able to go out and do them.
So I'm useless, inconsiderate, and a basic jerk.
Not only that, but I'm a lecher.
Yeah.
I like girls. I flirt. I tease.
However, I'm a coward.
I can talk and tease and flirt, but if it came down to it, I don't think I could ever "finish the deal".
Sure, I enjoy the attention. After all, if I didn't, would I have really started writing this blog?
However, this has gotten me in trouble as well. Because I'm not willing to change my behavior, it's hurting my wife, and pushing her further away from me. I tried to hide it, but like any idiot, I've left things out there that have given her probable cause to distrust me yet again.
I can say until I'm blue in the face that I would never do things to dishonor her, but given my penchant for lying, and my love of attention, girls, and flirting, how can she really trust or believe what I say?
My only hope here is that I haven't gone too far. That there's some way, some action I can take that will repair all of the damage I've done.
I want to grow up.
I want to be a man.
I want to be a father. Hell, I've love to be a daddy.
I want to be a husband.
For now, I'd take being wanted.
We'll see what happens.
I'm going for counselling, and I hope I can break the habits.
Until then, I'm going to have to stop blogging, and in doing so, I hope to remove some of the temptation I have for exaggeration, flirting, and what not.
I apologize to you, my reader(s) if this upsets you, but I need to get my life straight.
I hope you can understand, and I wish you all the best.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Your Career: The Roadmap to LOSERVILLE
So you've made the biggest mistake a studeny can make.
You've left the comfort of the college campus to make something of yourself in the real world. For reasons only you can explain you have given up binge drinking, casual interdormitory romantic contact, and the credit card your mom and dad secured for you (with a deposit of a thousand dollare and to use "only in an emergency," which you interpreted as "only when you are out of money for pizza") to go off and make your mark.
Well, here is my advice....
Good heavens! Go back! Don't ever, ever, ever leave the cushy life of the undergraduate world. The real world is a hellhole! There are bills to pay! These bills must be paid (with the exception of a few aboriginal cultures) with money! You, graduate, must somehow earn that money! For the love of all that is holy, stay in school forever!
You didn't take that last paragraph seriously, did you? Sigh... Don't say we didn't warn you.
You have to go get a job, my friend! Allow us to offer you some words of advice.
First of all, you'll want to find a job in your chosen field. That could be one of a million possible fields of stufy offered by today's modern colleges, so let's look at just a few of these myriad pathways of matriculation. This is an unscientific survey of college majors, based on the geeks and pinheads with whom we associate.
IF YOU MAJORED IN ACCOUNTING:
Congratulations! You chose a field in which people actually find work!
Chances are you don't need my advice in finding a job. Therefore let me give you one small piece of post-employment advice: Never, ever, speak about your accounting job to anyone with whom you desire physical contact.
Just trust me on this one.
The advice for accounting goes for anything you may have majored in that required you to enter any building on campus where a business couse was offered.
So let us move on to the bachelor's degrees that guarantee a fruitless employment search.
Let's talk about what I majored in....
THEATRE ARTS:
Every college has a theatre department. No one knows why, really. It just seems that when the plans are drawn up for a college campus the architects and planners slip a performing arts building into the blueprints, and mysteriously, no one complains.
Well, now you've gone and done it! You went and studied acting in college. Shame on you! What did you parents ever do to you to deserve this?
For the newly graduated actor or actress here is some brief employment advice.
Simply stated, the hardest part of being an actor is learning the daily specials. It is also good to remember that you always serve from the left, and that the coffee cup should never be less than 50 precent full if you want a good tip.
"But I'm a trained actor!" you may whine.
Yup. You are. And that's why you're working at a restaurant. I mean, think about it... They made you learn lines in the theatre department. Why? So you'd have no problem remembering the daily specials after graduation.
Oh, by the way, Theatre Major, you're in trouble when it comes to figuring out how to add up the checks - they didn't teach you any of that in voice and movement class.
I guess maybe you should have majored in accounting if you wanted to work as a waiter.
Let's move on.
Maybe you attended college on an athletic scholarship, which most likely means this book is being read aloud to you by someone else.
If you're a jock, then you majored in.....
PHYSICAL EDUCATION:
Don't tell me, Scholar Athlete; here's what made you pick this prestigious course of study:
In between reps on one of the shiny machines in the gym, this thought entered your mind: "Maybe I should have a backup plan."
It occurred to you that if somehow you didn't vault from collegiate sports stardom directly into the NBA, WNBA, WNFL, WWF, WWWWF, NHL, WNHL, or the CIA, you would need something to fall back on.
You figured you could always work as a gym teacher.
Well, take a lap. You were wrong.
Sure, there are about twenty-seven million grade schools, high schools, middle schools, and culinary schools out there, and they certainly do have gym teachers at all of those schools. But think about it. Remember the person who taught gym at your high school? What did he weigh, about 371 pounds? How old was he? About ninety-six?
Of course he was. That is because gym teachers never die.
Why? Because they never exercise; they just watch other people exercise.
That explains the fat pretty well when you think about it. Gym teachers never die, and they are always balloons. It's a fact.
For instance.... The man who taught me how to do jumping jacks in my youth also taught Teddy Roosevelt how to do them. My gym teacher (like the gym teacher of every person reading this) is alive and well and taunting some terrified skinny kid.
Currently, that terrified kid is stuck halfway up a rope.
So Phys Ed Major, where do you go from here, you might ask?
It comes down to one of two quite noble professions really: furniture delivery or bouncer at a sports bar.
Yep. You'd better be ready to either wrestle drunken phys ed majors out of a tavern or heave a refrigerator up three flights of stairs. That's your REAL backup plan, Muscle Boy.
POLITICAL SCIENCE:
Founding Fathers intended when they wrote the Declaration of Independence, or the Constitution, or the Magna Carta, or whatever scraggy brown paper (where the letter "S" really looks a lot like the letter "F") we are basing our government upon these days.
Anyway, whatever "political science" is, you went ahead and studied it. Now you want a job in politics, I suppose. Even though I'm not inclined to help anyone head off into that direction, I believe I can in fact help.
Want to be in politics? That's easy! Walk out into the street, ask the first person you see what they want, then promise to give it to them.
Congratulation. You are now in politics.
Don't worry about actually following through on what you told the stranger you would get her or him. That's not the point of politics. The point is to get elected by any means necessary. So tell people exactly what they want to hear, no matter how stupid it is.
Here are a few easy things to say to the boneheads who live in this country that are guaranteed to get them to punch the card (hopefully all the way through...) next to your name. All of these suggestions, are more or less, actual political ideas recently used by successful politicians. So, look directly into people's eyes and:
Tell then you will cut taxes but spend more.
Tell them you will spend less and get even more.
Tell them you will put a chicken in every pot.
Tell then you'll stash some pot in every chicken.
Tell them you intend to build a bridge into the Twenty-First Century.
Tell them there will be no toll on that bridge.
Tell them you'll give them 1,000 Points of Light, or better yet....
Tell then you'll pour them 1,000 Pints of Bud Light.
Tell them you will speak softly and carry a big stick, then...
Show them your big stick.
Tell them you'll invade some country where the army rides around on llamas.
People here love stuff like that.
Finally, just one word of warning: Don't have sex in your office.
Apparently, people here don't like stuff like that.
NUCLEAR PHYSICS:
Personally, I find it hard to believe that anyone capable of understanding the nuances and intense calculus that are the bread and butter precepts of nuclear science will be reading this. But if you did, let me just say....
Good for you, Poindexter!
You will never lack for employment. The world needs nuclear physicists for the simple reason that the entire economy of the planet is based on the military-industrial complex. Stated simply, that means we need plenty of nuclear weapons all over the globe, and we need those weapons to be pointed at each other all of the time.
Otherwise, well... a lot of guys with really cool uniforms will be out of work.
And the people who write and report what those bomb-wielding guys in cool uniforms are doing will be out of work. And the people who construct the bombs that the bomb-wielding guys in cool uniforms point at each other will be out of work. And the people who wash up, store, and shine the bombs for the bomb-wielding guys in cool uniforms will be out of work.
In short, we will all be out of work if we ever get rid of all the nuclear bombs.
And if you as a socially consious nuclear physicist cannot morally or ethically work for the military-industrial complex, don't worry. There is still plenty of work for you!
In the safe, sane, and well-regulated world of nuclear power.
There really is only one other course of study that bears mentioning in this when it comes to entry-level employment tip, and that is:
COMPUTER SCIENCE:
Chances are, if you majored in computer science, you didn't pay to read this. Oh, you're reading this all right; you just didn't PAY for it.
You downloaded it off of the Internet - for free. You didn't pay a cent for this. But you are reading it nonetheless.
And now you want my advice.
Well, take a hike, Nerd. I don't give out advice for free.
BE A RENAISSANCE MAN:
How many times have you heard someone you admired referred to as a "Renaissance Man?" What does this really mean? Well, first and foremost, you should remember that the Renaissance occurred back in the years between 1350 and 1700, so apparently being a Renaissance Man involves having no electricity.
Here's a quick guide to being the next Leonardo da Vinci.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Throw your raw sewage out of the second-floor window.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Walk the streets of your town in tights and a codpiece.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Clean your teeth with a pointed stick.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Accuse your neighbors of witchcraft.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Annoy your parents by pursuing a career as a lute player.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Set off to discover the New World in a leaky wooden ship.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Conduct all correspondence via carrier pigeon.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Deny the existence of your electric bill.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Rob a grave and dissect the body.
You've left the comfort of the college campus to make something of yourself in the real world. For reasons only you can explain you have given up binge drinking, casual interdormitory romantic contact, and the credit card your mom and dad secured for you (with a deposit of a thousand dollare and to use "only in an emergency," which you interpreted as "only when you are out of money for pizza") to go off and make your mark.
Well, here is my advice....
Good heavens! Go back! Don't ever, ever, ever leave the cushy life of the undergraduate world. The real world is a hellhole! There are bills to pay! These bills must be paid (with the exception of a few aboriginal cultures) with money! You, graduate, must somehow earn that money! For the love of all that is holy, stay in school forever!
You didn't take that last paragraph seriously, did you? Sigh... Don't say we didn't warn you.
You have to go get a job, my friend! Allow us to offer you some words of advice.
First of all, you'll want to find a job in your chosen field. That could be one of a million possible fields of stufy offered by today's modern colleges, so let's look at just a few of these myriad pathways of matriculation. This is an unscientific survey of college majors, based on the geeks and pinheads with whom we associate.
IF YOU MAJORED IN ACCOUNTING:
Congratulations! You chose a field in which people actually find work!
Chances are you don't need my advice in finding a job. Therefore let me give you one small piece of post-employment advice: Never, ever, speak about your accounting job to anyone with whom you desire physical contact.
Just trust me on this one.
The advice for accounting goes for anything you may have majored in that required you to enter any building on campus where a business couse was offered.
So let us move on to the bachelor's degrees that guarantee a fruitless employment search.
Let's talk about what I majored in....
THEATRE ARTS:
Every college has a theatre department. No one knows why, really. It just seems that when the plans are drawn up for a college campus the architects and planners slip a performing arts building into the blueprints, and mysteriously, no one complains.
Well, now you've gone and done it! You went and studied acting in college. Shame on you! What did you parents ever do to you to deserve this?
For the newly graduated actor or actress here is some brief employment advice.
Simply stated, the hardest part of being an actor is learning the daily specials. It is also good to remember that you always serve from the left, and that the coffee cup should never be less than 50 precent full if you want a good tip.
"But I'm a trained actor!" you may whine.
Yup. You are. And that's why you're working at a restaurant. I mean, think about it... They made you learn lines in the theatre department. Why? So you'd have no problem remembering the daily specials after graduation.
Oh, by the way, Theatre Major, you're in trouble when it comes to figuring out how to add up the checks - they didn't teach you any of that in voice and movement class.
I guess maybe you should have majored in accounting if you wanted to work as a waiter.
Let's move on.
Maybe you attended college on an athletic scholarship, which most likely means this book is being read aloud to you by someone else.
If you're a jock, then you majored in.....
PHYSICAL EDUCATION:
Don't tell me, Scholar Athlete; here's what made you pick this prestigious course of study:
In between reps on one of the shiny machines in the gym, this thought entered your mind: "Maybe I should have a backup plan."
It occurred to you that if somehow you didn't vault from collegiate sports stardom directly into the NBA, WNBA, WNFL, WWF, WWWWF, NHL, WNHL, or the CIA, you would need something to fall back on.
You figured you could always work as a gym teacher.
Well, take a lap. You were wrong.
Sure, there are about twenty-seven million grade schools, high schools, middle schools, and culinary schools out there, and they certainly do have gym teachers at all of those schools. But think about it. Remember the person who taught gym at your high school? What did he weigh, about 371 pounds? How old was he? About ninety-six?
Of course he was. That is because gym teachers never die.
Why? Because they never exercise; they just watch other people exercise.
That explains the fat pretty well when you think about it. Gym teachers never die, and they are always balloons. It's a fact.
For instance.... The man who taught me how to do jumping jacks in my youth also taught Teddy Roosevelt how to do them. My gym teacher (like the gym teacher of every person reading this) is alive and well and taunting some terrified skinny kid.
Currently, that terrified kid is stuck halfway up a rope.
So Phys Ed Major, where do you go from here, you might ask?
It comes down to one of two quite noble professions really: furniture delivery or bouncer at a sports bar.
Yep. You'd better be ready to either wrestle drunken phys ed majors out of a tavern or heave a refrigerator up three flights of stairs. That's your REAL backup plan, Muscle Boy.
POLITICAL SCIENCE:
Founding Fathers intended when they wrote the Declaration of Independence, or the Constitution, or the Magna Carta, or whatever scraggy brown paper (where the letter "S" really looks a lot like the letter "F") we are basing our government upon these days.
Anyway, whatever "political science" is, you went ahead and studied it. Now you want a job in politics, I suppose. Even though I'm not inclined to help anyone head off into that direction, I believe I can in fact help.
Want to be in politics? That's easy! Walk out into the street, ask the first person you see what they want, then promise to give it to them.
Congratulation. You are now in politics.
Don't worry about actually following through on what you told the stranger you would get her or him. That's not the point of politics. The point is to get elected by any means necessary. So tell people exactly what they want to hear, no matter how stupid it is.
Here are a few easy things to say to the boneheads who live in this country that are guaranteed to get them to punch the card (hopefully all the way through...) next to your name. All of these suggestions, are more or less, actual political ideas recently used by successful politicians. So, look directly into people's eyes and:
Tell then you will cut taxes but spend more.
Tell them you will spend less and get even more.
Tell them you will put a chicken in every pot.
Tell then you'll stash some pot in every chicken.
Tell them you intend to build a bridge into the Twenty-First Century.
Tell them there will be no toll on that bridge.
Tell them you'll give them 1,000 Points of Light, or better yet....
Tell then you'll pour them 1,000 Pints of Bud Light.
Tell them you will speak softly and carry a big stick, then...
Show them your big stick.
Tell them you'll invade some country where the army rides around on llamas.
People here love stuff like that.
Finally, just one word of warning: Don't have sex in your office.
Apparently, people here don't like stuff like that.
NUCLEAR PHYSICS:
Personally, I find it hard to believe that anyone capable of understanding the nuances and intense calculus that are the bread and butter precepts of nuclear science will be reading this. But if you did, let me just say....
Good for you, Poindexter!
You will never lack for employment. The world needs nuclear physicists for the simple reason that the entire economy of the planet is based on the military-industrial complex. Stated simply, that means we need plenty of nuclear weapons all over the globe, and we need those weapons to be pointed at each other all of the time.
Otherwise, well... a lot of guys with really cool uniforms will be out of work.
And the people who write and report what those bomb-wielding guys in cool uniforms are doing will be out of work. And the people who construct the bombs that the bomb-wielding guys in cool uniforms point at each other will be out of work. And the people who wash up, store, and shine the bombs for the bomb-wielding guys in cool uniforms will be out of work.
In short, we will all be out of work if we ever get rid of all the nuclear bombs.
And if you as a socially consious nuclear physicist cannot morally or ethically work for the military-industrial complex, don't worry. There is still plenty of work for you!
In the safe, sane, and well-regulated world of nuclear power.
There really is only one other course of study that bears mentioning in this when it comes to entry-level employment tip, and that is:
COMPUTER SCIENCE:
Chances are, if you majored in computer science, you didn't pay to read this. Oh, you're reading this all right; you just didn't PAY for it.
You downloaded it off of the Internet - for free. You didn't pay a cent for this. But you are reading it nonetheless.
And now you want my advice.
Well, take a hike, Nerd. I don't give out advice for free.
BE A RENAISSANCE MAN:
How many times have you heard someone you admired referred to as a "Renaissance Man?" What does this really mean? Well, first and foremost, you should remember that the Renaissance occurred back in the years between 1350 and 1700, so apparently being a Renaissance Man involves having no electricity.
Here's a quick guide to being the next Leonardo da Vinci.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Throw your raw sewage out of the second-floor window.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Walk the streets of your town in tights and a codpiece.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Clean your teeth with a pointed stick.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Accuse your neighbors of witchcraft.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Annoy your parents by pursuing a career as a lute player.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Set off to discover the New World in a leaky wooden ship.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Conduct all correspondence via carrier pigeon.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Deny the existence of your electric bill.
Be a Renaissance Man:
Rob a grave and dissect the body.
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