I must be a sadist in some form.
How have I come to this rationalization?
It's easy. I keep trying to talk and see my wife. I desire to spend time with her. Hell, I enjoy just being able to look at her and talk with her.
Obviously, she's not of the same mindset, or I wouldn't be where I am today.
That, coupled with a small tid-bit of info that she gave me tonight really kind of hurt, and I just can't get the words to stop echoing in my head.
This is what she told me:
"I'm actually happy, and less stressed now. People have seen the change, and notice it without even knowing what's going on between you and I."
I keep thinking that maybe I should just let go. Maybe I should let her get on with her life, and stop trying to drag around something that is never going to happen. I mean, if I were a true man, and if I truly love this woman, than I should do what I can to make sure that she's happy, right?
If I follow this line of reasoning, then to make her happy, and because I love her, I've got to let her go, and just cut off my last piece of life I have left. A type of self-suicide of the heart, if you will.
My head keeps telling me that it's over.. I just wish I could somehow get my heart to listen.