Thursday, July 22, 2010

All over but the bleeding...

Yeah. It seriously looks that way. I've tried to talk, I've tried to change, and I've tried to do whatever I could to breathe life into the corpse that is my failing marriage.

However, without the life spark from the other side, things just won't happen.

She admitted to me that she doesn't love me.

So I'm throwing all of my love, my energy and desire at a rock.

For me, this is the end. I'm not going through this again. I CAN'T go through this again. I honestly don't know if I could take it.

So, I'm working on bettering myself for my kids and me. I'm going to see through my obligations and responsibilities, and I'm going to just be.

I'm not going to look for anything else. I'm going to work, I'm going to play and be with my kids, and I'm going to eat and sleep and do whatever else is necessary to get me from one day to the next.

I'm not going to look for someone else. I refuse to open myself up to someone else who could crush me. I let down my lies and defenses for one person, and in that moment of weakness I was all but destroyed. Never again.

The walls are going back up, and the impenetrable fortress of my heart and emotions will remain safe and secure.

1 comment:

Real Live Lesbian said...

I've been there. Wishing you peace and hope for someday.