You know, for the past few weeks I've done nothing but bitch and complain. Today, while driving around getting errands done, I had an epiphany.
See, I've had issues that have affected our relationship. However, to be fair, I want some kind of comparison to see how things stack up.
Know what? I think I've found it.
See, with me her major problem is my lying. I've been working on it. I'm MUCH better now than I used to be. I've still got a LONG way to go.
Now I've got a comparison for her: Her weight. It's been an issue for her since the beginning of our relationship. It's bothered her time and again. Hell, she's actually gotten heavier since I've met her than when we got together.
She tells me that I'm not making progress fast enough for her, and she's frustrated with my apparent lack of progress.
Turn the mirror around, please. She's been on one diet or another since we've been together. Yet she hasn't made ANY progress, in fact, she's WORSE now than when we met.
Now, she holds against me my past transgressions. She refuses to forgive, and when I fail all of my previous mistakes are brought back out and thrown back in my face. She can't let go of the past, and sees each step I take on my attempt to control my lying with a pessimistic attitude. I don't see any kind of support, only a "we'll see how this one does" kind of attitude.
Look at her: She's now at a weight loss camp to try to improve her coping skills. She's upset with my apparent lack of support. Yet I've seen time and again how she'll start a diet and lose some weight. Then she'll celebrate, take a week off, and go back to the diet only to find that she isn't losing weight fast enough, and abandon the diet. Rinse and repeat. I can't count the number of times I've seen it. Tell me.. Why should I believe that this one is going to be any different aside from the amount of cash that was spent to send her off for a month-long getaway? Is this any different than her "wait and see" attitude on my issues?
No. It's not.
By her standards, I should be leaving her because her weight issue hasn't made enough progress, and looks to stay a problem. Just like she's passing judgement on my lying.
However, with all that has happened, I LOVE THIS WOMAN. I'm willing to look past it all. I'm honestly hoping that this one will be the key, and she'll make the progress she needs. However, even if it doesn't, I'm still there to love this person FOR WHO THEY ARE.
Maybe I'm an idiot. Maybe I'm a complete fool who needs to get a serious dose of reality, and come down from cloud 9. Maybe I'll wake up and smell reality sometime soon.. Who knows?
I just wish that somehow I could get through to this person just how much I honestly care, and can't understand why they can't do the same..
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Here's what I'll say ...
Keeping score is what your wife does - PLEASE don't go there with her.
Keeping score does little more than than allow one person to always one-up the other. That's not you.
And by the way, you are right :)
oh good Gawd, when I saw your comment on Dana's blog I took a peak over here to see what you were up to and it appears that you are still just moaning about your wife and your job. Are you seriously comparing your lack of integrity, which is how I categorize lying, to her battling weight loss? You sound like you enjoy playing the victim role, no wonder you and Dana get along so well...speaking of which,isn't it funny how Dana comments over here always attacking your wife?? If me or Doggy do that on her blog she goes balistic..what hypocrites you both are. Since when is it the step parents responsibility to financially support the step kids? Geez, man up. I've worked 2 and 3 jobs to support my kids with no help from their father. It is not his wife's responsibility Dana, it is his...but just from the look of things, those kids are probably better off with their mother and step father anyway.
I think the difference is your lying hurts others and her lack of weight loss only hurts herself. She is probably affected every time you lie which in turns helps to bring down her self confidence and/or self esteem which in turn makes it hard for her to stay on track with weight loss.
Sorry Jorm - didn't mean to bring the trolls ...
FUCK YOU Dana - it is ok to say that here right - I have seen it myself!
dana learns a few "words" like troll and bully and she likes to throw those around while she is trolling and bullying - hurry call matt man so he can call me a bitch or something...
sorry grundy - I will address your lying and her lack of dieting when "the troll" leaves.
Correction: I never said you weren't making fast enough progress. I CAN'T TRUST YOU, and why go on in a relationship without trust. I understand you want to start over, but I don't know that I can.
My Weight: Yep, I'm fat....and it is funny that you complain about it this whole blog yet our whole relationship you make no mention of it at all. And, when I do ask for your support, you do fine when I am around but eat and drink whatever you want when I'm not. That isn't support....
Lying VS. Overweight is NO comparison....but keep trying!
It is great that you are still so madly in love with me, but if you EVER think there is a chance of starting over...this belittling isn't helping....
Things will allways get better
Post a Comment