Back, and with a new perspective!

Well, it's been a while since I've posted, and I'm not sure really where to begin here.

Things seem to be better at the house. We're not fighting, but yet there still seems to be a bit of tension running just under the surface. I don't know if this is just me, and I'm fooling myself, yet it really does feel like I'm playing with a tripwire I can't see, and the bomb it's connected to could go off at any moment.

However, until such time, I'll be willing to make things seem normal and stable if only for the sake of the kids, who were concerned about where things were going.

I'm also trying to see if taking more time to focus on my wife will help matters. Maybe I've been too self-absorbed, and haven't been spending enough time with her and tending to her needs.. Maybe we need to have personal getaway time each time the kids are at their mom's for the weekend.. Maybe I should focus more on what I love about her, instead of the things that irritate me..

Speaking of that, let me ask you all something.

As men, do you often wonder why ladies will complain about the things you do (and especially the things you DON'T do) when they get together? My wife and her two close girlfriends watch TV shows at our place on Tuesdays and Wednesdays on most weeks, and even though they try to be quiet, some of the conversation can be easily overheard, and I can hear them talk about such things. How he's doing this, and it bothers them. Or he's NOT doing this, and he really should. Why can't he do this, like she's seen other guys do? Et Cetera..

When I've been out with my guy friends, we will sometimes talk about our wives, but for the most part we avoid this. Why? Because we want to have a good time, and not have something possibly get back to the wife that we'll have to pay for later. Plain, simple, easy.

Ladies: Why do you feel the need to complain or compare your significant other to people? Why is it that just being a person isn't good enough? Are there times where you feel they just won't listen, and so talking about personal things with friends is going to better or help the situation?

Heh. Listen to me here. I'm complaining and asking for information from interweb folks about a subject that really kind of strikes me as being a bit oxymoronic...

Let's just say that I don't understand the need for comparison or complaint.

Yeah, there are times when I've found myself comparing my wife to other people. However, when I _do_ find myself doing this, I stop. I prefer to take my wife at face value. I appreciate the things she does, and I love her for the person she is, not the person she could become.

How about all of you? What are your thoughts?

Things that are bothering me..

Have you ever felt like even though you're married, you're just "playing house"?

I mean, you have a solid relationship, yet the passion and little things just aren't there. You're kind of running off a set script of things that "all married folks are supposed to do" and there's just no spontinaety or passion in the relationship just don't seem to be there. The spark seems to have died?

Yeah. Me too.

But I refuse to give up.

I love this person I'm with. I adore her, actually.

Not only that, but I made her a promise, and I'm going to stick to it.

You all might have heard it a couple of times before. You know the one I'm talking about..

"For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health. As long as we both shall live."

Yeah. That promise.

Sure, there are times where it seems like all we're really dealing with is the worse, and we wonder where the heck the better went to. Sometimes richer seems so far off, and we're stuck with the poorer. Some of us are stuck in the sickness part, and wonder if any health is on the way.

Yet I've got to be stubborn.

I made this woman a promise. Not only that, but I also told this to her parents, my parents, her friends, and my friends as well.

What kind of man could I consider myself if things got tough, and I just decided to quit?

What kind of father could I consider myself if I can't set an example for my boys about making commitments, and then not follow through on them?

What kind of example would I be giving my daughter if I were to jump from wife to wife? What kind of self-esteem issues will that make for her in her later years when she potentially decides to marry? Is she going to think that she's as expendable as the women I married?

Maybe I'm just not willing to see the big picture. Maybe in some way I'm being an egotistical bastard, and I'm not giving a damn about someone else's feelings.

However, I still have to be true to myself.

And the truth is that I love this person, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep my promises and vows.

My hope is that each and every one of you feels the same way, and can possibly share this with your significant other or spouse.

The greatest gift each human being posesses is the ability to love. Don't squander it.

I'll talk with you all next week.

Like all good things...

Yes kiddies, I'm having to trim down the amount of time I spend blogging.

I've made a promise to myself to not post while at work. I've come to realize that my income is near and dear to my family, and for me to put that in jeopardy by writing about things that upset me for the enjoyment of others is irresponsible.

Now? Well, I've decided to post when I can while at home. It's not going to be as steady and as usual as it has been in the past, but there will be odd times when I'll be able to get free, and rant and rave about things that have set me off.

As a few of you know, I'm also dealing with some harsh and serious things on the home front as well, and right now one of my major focuses is going to be on resolving these issues once and for all.

So your thoughts and concerns are welcome, and I dearly hope that I won't lose your readership while I take time to clean house.

Have a great day, and I'll talk to you again soon.

You know, I've found a way to save cash.

I don't need to take that camping trip during the summer.

I can just go sleep in a cold room, and wake up next to a stranger without having to leave my house.

Think of all the cash I could have saved if I'd known this years ago....

This post is brought to you by the letters "F" and "U"

Yeah. I'm in a depressed and bitchy mood.

I'm not going to talk about it, one of you knows exactly what's going on.

Anyway, bad stuff going on at home, and I just didn't feel right not letting you know I'm here.

I'm here.

I'm alive.

I'm at work.

I don't want to deal with it right now.

I'll talk more later.

And this is how the Black Plague spread..

Yeah, contrary to popular advice, I'm back at work.

I don't know what it is..

I mean, just ten years ago I would have found any and all excuses to find a reason NOT to come to work..

Now? I'm finding excuses as to why I need to be here, and NOT stay home!

Talk about a severe change of attitude....

I'm not as bad off today as yesterday, though. I loaded myself up on Nyquil, sinus relief, decongestants, and cough syrup.. Not to mention cough drops and the occasional tall cool drink of water.

I think I'll make it through just fine today.

My coworkers? That's another story.

There are some folks here that I wouldn't mind coughing all over, and forcing them to take a few extra days off work just to get them out of my hair for a bit longer.

However, grandma didn't raise her boy to be rude like that, so I politely cover my face when coughing, and excuse myself when needed.

The worst part about being sick like this is that I'm all alone this weekend.

The kids are at their mom's.

My wife is on a "girls weekend" at the local casino.

I'm in an empty house, with a loving pooch, but nothing more.

I can't do the "sick man" trick, and just mope about in the recliner crying about how bad my head hurts, or some such nonsense.

If I'm thirsty, I get my butt up and get a drink. Hungry? Fix something. Tired? Go lay down. Maybe get a blanket and crash where I land.

But there's nobody to talk to.

Yeah, I can talk to the dog, but she doesn't talk back too much, and it gets boring after a while. I like the undivided attention and love I get from her, but sometimes I really wish she'd learn more english than "ride", "treat", "walk", and "outside", you know?

Well, I've got inventory and stuff to get done today, so I'm going to be knees and elbows in serious dirty stuff. Wish me luck, and you all have a great weekend!

Another drop (drip) in the bucket

Yeah, I'm late posting this, sue me.

I'm sick.

Not just the "I don't feel like being here, so I'm going to try to think up an excuse to not come in" type, but the aches, pains, stuffy head, runny nose, coughing, sore back from hacking, sore throat, mild fever kind of sick.

And like an idiot, I came into work as well.

I don't know what it is about this place, but each and every time that I have to start crawling into the "devil dust" we have in this place, I get sick.

This week has been interesting, in that I've had to move offices, drop cabling, and change out computer monitors. So I've done my fair share of dirt crawling these last couple of days. Not only that, but the first day that I came home, I left a nasty black-gray ring in the tub when I took my shower.. Not a pretty picture, I can tell you!

So I'm here, sick, miserable, and trying to focus on lasting the rest of the day so that I can carry my sick butt home, take a steamy hot shower, and crash into bed. Food doesn't even enter into the picure right now, just hot water and a warm bed.

You want to know just how depraved I am?

I'm conetemplating how I'm going to do tomorrow, and trying to convince myself that I'm really not too badly sick, so that I can get work done.

I think I need to see a shrink.

Thank you all for your comments and postings over the last couple of days. I've been trying to air out things that have bothered me, and to know that I'm not the only one out there seeing something wrong gives me just a bit more hope.

I'll hopefully be posting earlier tomorrow, so keep your eyes open!