Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Happy Birthday to M.... Meh. I've got bitching to do!

Yeah, it's my birthday, but that's not what I want to write about, so here's my rant!

This last weekend, I got unloaded on for things to do around the house.

Normally, I don't mind much, because I kinda like working on the house, and getting things done and improved.

However, this weekend wasn't like most that involve home projects.

Last week, my wife decided that because of the falling interest rates we needed to refinance the house, and see about consolidating all of our debt. I was in agreement, and she went to the bank.

However, in order for this process to go through, a new assessment of our house needs to be done in order to get a proper value of the home before basing the payments.

Now, we've done a TON of work to this house. However, there aren't many projects that have been completed. Yeah, you know how this works...

First, you start a project, and you get the big stuff done. After seeing the major change, you think "I'll come back to this later, and put the finishing touches on it, because there are other jobs that need to get done now" type of thing.


Now, I have to be honest. I'm great at putting things off that I don't want to do. I can find all sorts of reasons NOT to do a job. But there have also been times when I have noticed a "hanging" job, and commented that we need to get the stuff so I can finish it as well... Those have been the times when my wife has been willing to put it off.

Not so this weekend.

We made a trip out to Lowe's, and I watched my next month's worth of weekends get tossed out in favor of doing the "finishing touches" on all of the projects we've neglected.

My father-in-law was with us, and he made some kind of snide comment to my wife about how she wasn't going to be able to get out of helping with the jobs.

She replied to him "This is guy's work. I don't have to help. I do the woman's jobs around the house, this one is his responsibility."

Yeah. That's stuck with me and been REALLY irritating this weekend.

I have tried to keep any kind of sexism from this relationship. I've been more than willing to let her have her space and time alone, and I've been willing to do the jobs that need to be done around the house.

After the comment I got this weekend?

Not so much.

Here's why:

Define "man's work" and "women's work" for me.

If you're going to tell me that a woman's work is stuff around the house, then she owes me a TON of time doing some "man's work" because I've filled in when she hasn't pulled her weight. Dishes? Laundry? Vacuuming? Dusting? Cleaning?

I'd define all of the above as "woman's work" since they're jobs inside of the house, wouldn't you?

As for "man's work".. Fixing, repairing, yardwork.. Isn't that considered "my" stuff to do?

She's not helped much at all with my "man" jobs compared to the things I've helped her with. Yet I've decided now to bitch about them...

Here's the catch, and why I was good with things until she opened her mouth.

"Woman's work" is things that need to be done daily. There's not some weekly plan you can get into action that is going to effectively take care of all of the household chores that need to be completed. Thus, I pitch in and help where needed. I mean, I don't really like sitting around on my ass all day, and if I can help her in the process, then it's a win-win situation for me, right?

With the "man's work", it's weekly stuff. Yardwork. Cut the grass. Trim the hedges, rake the gravel back onto the drive.. That doesn't need to be done daily, and can wait to be done. Repairs aren't frequent, and they do take time when they need to get done, but they in no way really balance out for the daily house chores.

Yet if this is how she's going to treat my work on the house, I'm willing to be an ass, and give her exactly what she called for.

Case in point:

I did the last load of dishes that were in the sink, and then put them in the dishwasher yesterday. Last night, I made dinner, and I left the dirty dishes in the sink. After all, dishes are "women's work", and since I'm doing "man's work" she needs to come home and get caught up!

Yeah, she worked last night, and I could have done them. But since I am going to be working for 10 hours today, and then coming home to start more repair work, I think the account balance here is fairly even.

Here's another thing that annoys me about our Home Improvement.

I can't do all of the jobs. I don't know how to install doors, re-wire electrical outlets, do plumbing, or major changes to a house exterior.

However, she has friends who do.

The worst part about this? I WANT to learn how to do these things. Yet when she gets friends over to help get a job done (such as installing a door) I tend to feel like a fifth wheel, and keep getting in the way. The person helping gets frustrated because they just want to get someone else's job done so they can get back to THEIR work, and everyone gets a bit on edge...

Never a happy moment there, to be honest.

So, I've got some projects lined up to be done. How they're going to get done is beyond me at the moment, but they'll get done.

I'm sure I'll be back on in later days to complain about something or other with this newest repair gig, so keep reading!

Happy Tuesday everyone.


AirmanMom said...


~AirmanMom returning to her blog...

Jaime said...

happy birthday!

Bee said...

Happy Birthday!

Uh, the hubs and I do split up the work in our house but we don't label it 'man or woman's' work. We just have taken a few responsibilities and split them up. I cook and clean the house and he does the grocery shopping and handles all the repairs (he is an electrician so he has construction buddies who talk him thru projects but he does everything himself)/

However, we do help each other with odd things we may need.

One thing though, I never really badger him to do things and I do expect the same in return.

It's just marriage pains. To stress over them is not healthy.

Jennybean said...

Happy birthday...

hope it gets better...

Tracys Ramblings said...

Wait..Who's Birthday is it?
I missed the whole birthday thing..

Ok then:

Happeeeee Birrrrthday to youuuuu
Happeeeee Birrrrthday tooo you
Happpeeee Birthday to
Jormengrund (what in the world does that mean?)
Happeeee Birrrttthday tooo youuuu!

Tracys Ramblings said...

Let me just give you a little, teeny, tiny bit of advice.
Don't mention any of this to your wife, okay?
Cause if you do, she'll kick your bum. Seriously.

Although, my hubs and I don't have a seperation of womans work and mens work.
We just do what we have to to get things done so that the monkeys don't start tearing down the enclosure.

Oooh, and you should totally have your assessment done on that HGTV show My House Is Worth What?
I love it when people are expecting them to say 1.9 million and the realtor says 250,000. The look on their face is priceless.

And if it makes you feel any better, we just finished our second renovation on our house and there are still little jobs that haven't been finished from the first one. It happens.

gottaluvme3 said...

Too late Tracy! I already read it....no biggy! I knew it was coming!!

Dana said...

Happy BITCHING! I mean ... birthday!

I call all of the work "family responsibility" because the way I see it, the FAMILY is responsible for taking care of the home. Everyone can help - from the 3 and 4 year olds to the grown ups. Work should not be defined by gender, but rather "equally" divided up between each person's capabilities.

PinkPiddyPaws said...

Well happy birthday anyway. I'm pretty sure your dwarf name would be "Bitchy Dwarf" ha..ha.ha...

Jormengrund said...

AMM: Thanks!

Jaime: Thank You

Bee: I don't stress over it. I bitch about it here, and then I'm pretty much over it until the next episode.. It's kind of like some sick therapy, but much, MUCH cheaper!

Jenny: Yeah, it's not bad, just kind of frustrating, you know? Thanks!

Tracy: You're SICK! Who would think of singing a song to a perfect stranger? (well, aside from me!) I know that the wife reads my blog, and to be honest, there's nothing on here that I usually don't say at some point to her in person, so it's all good.. (Unless I have to sleep on the couch, that is!)

Wifey-poo: Thanks! You knew it was going to come out, and I"m sure we'll be talking about this one tomorrow! Love you!

Dana: Heh. Never a dull moment when I get a chance to get my hands on something!!

CK: Yeah. My prison pitch name was grumpy bitch with hairy cheeks, or something like that..