Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Trying out "new" things

Well, I am nearing the end of my first year of classes. One step closer to my degree, and still not really sure how I'm going to pull off finding this miracle job that my instructors and department chairs and deans of education keep telling me about.

I mean, it's not like I'm not actively looking for a job, and yet they seem to think that one is just going to drop in my lap because they want it to?

On another note, I am single no longer. I have found a lady friend who is willing to let me take it slow, and develop a relationship at my pace. She doesn't have any real expectations from me, aside from doing what comes naturally from me, so I can be myself, and not worry about reprecussions from my bad behavior! Then again, I try to behave myself, so my hope is that there aren't any trouble spots to iron out anyway!

I might be moving soon. I need to go where there's work, and my little town doesn't offer much in the way of employment. The bigger cities seem to have opportunities around each corner, and I know that I might be smoking a little wacky weed in my perception of employment opportunities, but if the jobs are around the big towns, then I must myself head to the big towns to get said jobs. That, and school is down there too, and the time and gas spent on the trip would more than pay for itself.

There are really only two things holding me back.

Fear and kids.

I fear for my stability. I mean, I'm jobless, and coming into cash to be able to move isn't something that is going to happen all at once. Getting into a place to live costs serious cash, and if I don't have some kind of plan for keeping up on said bills, I'm going to be looking for a new place to live much sooner than I had planned on.

There's my kids too. I mean, I love them, adore spending time with them, and I miss not being able to see them as much as I used to when they lived with me. However, if I can't support myself, how exactly am I going to support them?

I need to get stabilized and self-sufficient before I start worrying about my kids. If dad can't keep his own butt above water, what kind of image is that going to give my kids?

I might not be the best dad, but I'm going to do my best to be the best role model for them that I can.

When I look back at all I've done for my kids, I have to say that I'm not really upset at all about any of it. I just wish I had more time to improve on the positive things I've said and done.

Now, all I need to do is find peace with myself and where I'm at now...

Anyone know a quick fix for this one???


Dana said...

Congratulations on the relationship status!

And don't forget, taking care of your kids isn't always based on financial status. More than anything, they need to know you are there for them.

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