I can hardly keep my eyes open to type this, and my arms feel like lead.
I'm grabbing up as much overtime as my job allows, and it's really starting to take it's toll on me. The commute isn't bad, but when you've got an hour to drive to work, plus an hour back, and you add in the 16-ish hours of work... It really adds up, and leaves little time for sleep or eating.
I'm trying to keep myself busy. I'm trying not to think. I'm trying to fill my time up so much that I won't get started on what's happening, and eventually it'll just happen, I'll keep working, and it'll be over. 'Nuff said, right?
I'm trying to kid myself, but even with all of this work, I still can't get over the pain, the hurt, the feelings of betrayal, the anger, and depression.
I just don't know if I'll ever get over this. I don't know if I really want to, either.
But the fact is that if I don't start getting some better sleep and taking better care of myself, they'll be scraping up what's left of me out of some wreck on the interstate. I can't afford to do that to my kids.
So, less overtime, less of a paycheck, and more time to think about my screwed up life in general.
You win some, you lose some....