Arrgh

You know, there are times when I know damn well that I have no control over other people, but I really REALLY wish there were times when I could direct what was happening instead of having to roll with the punches..

I have, in case you just started reading this (welcome you select few!), gone back to school for my degree in computer science. Why? Because I was fired from my last job, and even though I have YEARS of experience in the field, the job market won't even look at my resume without having that pretty piece of paper that says I was taught the "right" way to do my job.

Thus, I have put myself back into debt, and headed back into the classroom.

Now, I can't very well go to classes and support myself, so I have also work that I have to juggle as well. Not to worry, I can handle this as well. After all, I only have three kids to see, a house to help maintain and pay for, a car to maintain and upkeep, fill with fuel, insure, and pay for.. Student loans to pay back, classwork to read and homework to complete.. Oh yeah.. Let's not forget the wonderful woman I am dating that needs attention too!

Where, oh where is there time for anything else? This post? It's been cobbled together over the past few months when I've had some time to read something other than a textbook or installation manual..

This guy is getting tired. But for a silver lining, I'm halfway there! Well, at least for now I am!

You know what else is bothering me?

Guess what, I'm going to tell you anyway!

I am a very anal-retentive person when it comes to what I do, regardless of what it is. I have to do my homework papers in just such a manner, I have to turn in my reports and such in a specific format, and I don't like doing anything half-assed. The same goes for work. I like a structured, linear workload. I will sit for a while and plan out how I'm going to do a specific job or task, then plot out what I need for the job, and then work on it. I don't do a scrap job or just enough to get by.. I do the job right the first time, because I really can't stand going back to fix something. It's just how I am, I don't apologize for it, and usually it makes me a very valuable employee.

However, at some point this has become a detriment to the job I do now. I don't know how, I don't know when, and I don't know why, but being the perfectionist that I am is causing major problems in my work. Somehow, my wanting things to be just right is actually causing more problems than preventing them. I don't know how this oxymoron of a situation happened, but the fact of the matter is that trying to make things right is actually making things wrong.. Leave it to me to find the one loophole in a situation and exploit it without even realizing it!

There comes a point in time when I will probably get fed up, and scream "I give up!". But for now, I just swallow my pride, my ire, and my ego and just go forward. I mean, where else do I have to go?

I just wish I had a map sometimes.. I hate travelling blind.