Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Comments, queries, and posers..

I was going to write something humorous, but after this weekend, I've decided to go a different route.

My sister-in-law is a great lady. She cares, and does everything she can to help her daughters.

This last year I saw this woman's heart get torn completely in two, and now the pain has come full circle, and she's dealing with the problems and issues that her two daughters, my nieces, are going through.

You see, her husband cheated on her last year, and she's not been the same since.

I've never really liked the man. He was quite judgemental, and really never game me a chance to get to know him, or even attempt to get to know the person I am. Because of this, I was never "good enough" for him or his family.

Now? I could care less about his opinion, as from my point of view he's no better than anyone else. He's a lying, cheating, selfish, good-for-nothing man who only cares about when he's going to get laid next, and if he's got enough cash in his account to keep food in his stomach.

However, this has completely ripped apart my SIL. These two married basically right out of High School. She'd never been with anyone else, and had only known him and the life she'd lead with him in it. Two daughters later, and she was happy knowing that her family was provided for, and taken care of.

All that changed when the truth came out.

She left.

I don't blame her there. How can you stand to be in the same room with someone who's been living a lie? How can you look into their face, and think that they're going to be honest with you EVER again? How can you live in a house where someone else has come in a defiled not only your home, but your sense of security?

Her way of dealing was to get drunk. Quite often.

Becoming so numb that the pain would lessen, and she could unbend enough to find some other man besides her ex to fill the void she had inside of her. (not sexually, you perverts!)

This led her on a merry dance for a while. One guy to the next. Each one she's spout all of these praises about their good traits. But within weeks, the bad stuff would overcome it all, and her suspicions would take over, and the fantasy would crumble.

Imagine her girls, trying to make sense of it all. Hoping that mom would be able to find some place to set down roots. Hoping against hope that the home dance would be over soon. Trying to cope with their own sense of loss and anguish over the split and hurt they could see in their mother and father.

All of these feelings became internalized in the girls. One now has serious anger issues, and I honestly think that she needs counselling in order to get the problem under control. The other has commitment issues, and doesn't trust her partner to be honest with her, regardless of the relationship history. All of this because the ONE MAN they could trust in their lives destroyed it all for a woman.

Yet he still has the gall to claim that his actions didn't cause this, it was brewing from before.

Right now, my SIL has a guy who seems like a nice man. He's sincere, and he's honest. He's got a couple of great kids, and he treats her like the fragile personality that she is.

However, I've got to be honest here.

I'm waiting for the point in time where some fault of his is going to push her away.

I've seen her happy. I've seen her miserable. And I honestly can't see her settle right now. She's got too much going on that she's trying to ignore. There's not going to be any kind of peace for her until she's able to come to terms with this, and it honestly hurts me to have to admit it.

She's met some great guys. Yeah, they've had issues.

Honestly, show me some guy that DOESN'T have issues, and I'll get the campaign set up for him to be the next US President!

But seriously, guys as a whole are screwed up. We mess up TONS. It's genetic, I think.

So guys are flawed, and girls use this opportunity to "fix" them, right?

How does someone who is recovering from a nasty situation like this ever find the strength to try again?

I don't know.

All I know is that I really do hurt for her, and I hope she's able to find peace.

Funny stuff tomorrow, I promise!


PinkPiddyPaws said...

Ahhh... don't ask me man. As you can see, I can't even figure it out on my own, much less for someone else. Hey, tell her to read my blog and NOT do the things I do. how's that? :)

Thinkinfyou said...

Trust issues suck,and take a long time to get through. I feel for your SIL,and hope that things will start getting better for her and her kids soon.

Dana said...

All of this because the ONE MAN they could trust in their lives destroyed it all for a woman

Hmmm ... I don't know if I can buy into this 100%. You see, I believe that life is far more about how you deal with the struggles than it is about the struggles you are presented with. The choice of how she now deals with the situation is hers, and hers alone.

The girls? Now they truly had no choice.

Alyssa said...

I've had bad relationships. Very Bad relationships. My father (Whom I adored regardless) cheated on my Mom. This is not the reason I had bad relationships. I made bad choices. I drank to avoid the disastrous consequences of those choices. I let myself be verbally and emotionally abused. I had a guy hit me once (and only once) But now I am in a very strong relationship with a wonderful man. He's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but he is a good, kind, gentle man despite his flaws. (some of which are not small) It is totally possible to find your way out of the situation your SIL is in. Don't lose hope. She is lucky to have a BIL who cares so much about her.