Time to pick the collective brain...

Do you ever really think that something could be beyond repair?

I mean, if you were committed to working and compromising for whatever it took, could something REALLY be beyond repair?

I ask, because I know that I would give anything, everything, and maybe even more to put my marriage back.

I'm not sure if my wife knows this. I mean, she gives me the lip service telling me that she does, yet her actions don't really seem to suit the words and phrases that she gives me, you know?

Anyway, I'm now moved in to my "new" place. I'm not settled, but I have moved. I still check on the house, make sure everything's taken care of while she's gone. To be honest, I don't know what else to do, really.

I'm asking her if she's wanting me to pick her up from the airport when she gets back, or if she doesn't want to see me and has other plans made....

We'll find out, won't we?

My deepest apologies...

It occurs to me that I've been remiss, to you. My friends, my online readers, I sincerely apologize.

One of the things that I swore I'd do when I started this blog was that I would post, NO MATTER WHAT, and keep folks entertained.

However, I made that resolution to myself before things in my work and family life went haywire.

As such, I've been away FAR too long, and I've really missed the reading and comments from those of you who have been my faithful supporters.

I can't promise that I'll post often. Right now things are WAY too much in flux for me to be able to make that kind of promise.

But what I do promise is that when I get the time, you can be sure that I'll tickle these keyboard keys, and at least let you all know that I'm still here, and that the mind is still running overtime, ok?


Now, on to the real reason I'm posting:

Coming up next week, the wife and I are headed for Vegas for a few days.

Yup. Vegas. The adult playground. City of slot machines, booze, women (and men!) and gangsters..

The only real problem I can see in this trip is going to be how much time she and I actually spend together.

"How so?" you might ask. Well, here's the answer:

We're not going there alone. We're taking another couple-friend of ours along. My wife's best friend and her fiancee are coming along as well.

Don't get me wrong. I like these two. I just haven't found a happy medium for spending time with them and also spending time with my wife.

I mean, when my wife's friend is around, she tends to spend her time talking with her, gossiping with her, and watching reality TV shows. While this is going on, a remarkable change also comes over my wife, and she tends to envelop the views of her friend as well. That is when I become a lazy slob. One of those guys that is only good for going to work to help provide a bit of the paycheck, and doesn't do jack around the rest of the house.

Yeah. It blows.

Then, there's the husband. I like this guy. He actually reminds me of myself in my younger years. He's family oriented, and very personable. He loves video games.. Heck, he likes them even more than I do!

However, he's also still young enough that he wants to go out and raise hell each and every night. Me? I'm the old dog, and can't do that so much anymore. Heck, I can hardly drink to excess anymore!

Therein lies the problem:

I'm pretty sure that the wife and I will be spending some time together. However, is that time going to be painted with her nagging at me about things I should be doing, or things that I could get done when we get home, or is it actually going to be fun?

The time we spend apart is going to be interesting as well. Is he going to want to drag me off to various strip clubs? Am I going to be getting the 3rd degree from the wife about what we've done? How manageable is the wife going to be after spending a full day with her girlfriend?

Yeah, I know. Don't count the eggs until they've hatched.

Yet I'm torn.

I want to look forward to this vacation. I want to be excited about it.

But I can't also help but feel that somewhere along the line something's going to go badly, and the fallout is going to be horrendous.

Keep an eye out for me if you're in Vegas, and lay a bet down on the table! After all, it's my third trip there, and that's gotta mean something, doesn't it??

Have a great Father's Day weekend this coming week. I'll be spending it at the Blackjack tables!

Things that are bothering me..

Have you ever felt like even though you're married, you're just "playing house"?

I mean, you have a solid relationship, yet the passion and little things just aren't there. You're kind of running off a set script of things that "all married folks are supposed to do" and there's just no spontinaety or passion in the relationship just don't seem to be there. The spark seems to have died?

Yeah. Me too.

But I refuse to give up.

I love this person I'm with. I adore her, actually.

Not only that, but I made her a promise, and I'm going to stick to it.

You all might have heard it a couple of times before. You know the one I'm talking about..

"For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health. As long as we both shall live."

Yeah. That promise.

Sure, there are times where it seems like all we're really dealing with is the worse, and we wonder where the heck the better went to. Sometimes richer seems so far off, and we're stuck with the poorer. Some of us are stuck in the sickness part, and wonder if any health is on the way.

Yet I've got to be stubborn.

I made this woman a promise. Not only that, but I also told this to her parents, my parents, her friends, and my friends as well.

What kind of man could I consider myself if things got tough, and I just decided to quit?

What kind of father could I consider myself if I can't set an example for my boys about making commitments, and then not follow through on them?

What kind of example would I be giving my daughter if I were to jump from wife to wife? What kind of self-esteem issues will that make for her in her later years when she potentially decides to marry? Is she going to think that she's as expendable as the women I married?

Maybe I'm just not willing to see the big picture. Maybe in some way I'm being an egotistical bastard, and I'm not giving a damn about someone else's feelings.

However, I still have to be true to myself.

And the truth is that I love this person, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep my promises and vows.

My hope is that each and every one of you feels the same way, and can possibly share this with your significant other or spouse.

The greatest gift each human being posesses is the ability to love. Don't squander it.

I'll talk with you all next week.

Finding the Oxymorons in this trail we call Life...

Ok, as you all might have been reading, the marriage my wife and I have has been quite rocky as of late.

For one, we're trying to have another child, but with me fresh from Vas Reversal, and she having problems with ovulation.. Well, it just doesn't quite TICK.

So, the doctors came up with a GREAT solution.

She's on Clomid.

Now, I know that there are a couple of folks out there who know that this drug is one of those that women take to become "extra fertile" and get that chance at the joy of their life.. Multiple births.

However, there are some side effects that I finally got my doctor to admit to, and it made EVERYTHING that has gone on these last few months just seem to fall into place.

Want to know what the biggest side effect is?

DEPRESSION.

That's right. DEPRESSION.

So, let me paint this picture for you...

As a woman, there are things that they desire. Romance, the chase, being pursued, and the conquest.

HOWEVER.. If you're on this drug, and you're depressed? All you're wanting is that raggedly full-length cotton nightie and a blanket, wrap up on the couch, and watch sappy love stories and Discovery Chnnel's documentaries from the OB unit!

So, take the drug to get pregnant, but kill the sex drive in the woman. Sounds like a match to me!

But thanks to the ingenuity of science, you no longer need to "do the act" in order to get that way!

Just have the fine, upstanding man leave his "donation" in a cup at the lab, and they'll do the rest!

No fuss, not much mess, and if the stars are in the right position, everything's good!

Oh, did I mention that the docs claim that these symptoms go away after she gets pregnant?

That's a good thing, considering how RAGING those hormones get when they ARE pregnant!

I could just imagine how great life would be if she was on the drug and then also going through post partum! Ye gods, that would be true bliss..

Anyway, Now that we know what's causing the problem, maybe there's a way for us to work around the issue until such time as there's no need to the drug..

We'll see, and I'll keep you all posted!

Today, I'm going to talk about some stuff I haven't aired yet.

Last night, the wife and I got a chance to really sit down and talk.

No crying, no overfed emotions, just real talk.

So I was thinking.. Last time I'd posted about us, I'd talked about all of the things that she's done for me.

What have I given her in this marriage? For all she's done for me, what have I given in return besides headaches and heartache?

I don't know, and that's what honestly scares me.

Am I going to leave a lasting impression as a needy soul with nothing to give, but willing to take everything given to me?

I'd like to think that I'm able to make some kind of impression or impact on those I've come to be with. I just hope the impression is a good one.

Well, this is a short post, but I've got to keep this real, and say exactly how I feel.

You all have a great weekend, and thanks so much for the words of comfort and wisdom you've given me these past couple of weeks!

I'll be writing more this next Tuesday!

And Now For Something Completely Different...

Usually, I rant and rave about work..

Not today.

I'm married, (again) and I love my wife. But there are some things about her that just defy all logic and nature to me.

One of these is her psychotic dreams.

Let me give you an example:

This morning I was able to wake up next to Satan himself. Why? Because my lovely wife dreamt that I was sleeping not only with her, but with her two best friends as well. This pissed her off so badly that she woke up, and couldn't get back to sleep. During this time, she was considering all the many different ways to kill me slowly and painfully.

Now, I normally get up around 3:30am for work. She doesn't have to be up until around 7am. So imagine my surprise when I'm walking into the living room, and I'm seeing my wife sitting on the couch, her head rotating on her shoulders, smoke, fire, and brimstone shooting out of her eyes ears mouth and nose!

Needless to say, I must have done SOMETHING good in a previous life, because I was still live at this point.

Anyway, she proceeded to confront me over my "affairs", and told me to admit to them..

What? REALLY?

I'm sorry, but I must have forgotten to keep my ticket for the reality train, and I'm still stuck here in la-la land... Give me a second, and I'll wake up.

I pinch myself.. Nope, I'm awake, and this is really happening.

Sad to say, I had to decline the offer, and we had a nice chance to bond (argue) over me and my indiscretions while I'm in her brain.

Now I don't know about the rest of you, but if you were able to control your actions while someone else was thinking of you, how would you react?

Me? I know that I can only control what I myself do, so I told her to stop dreaming about me, and everything would be fine.

Um, remind me next time that this ISN'T the best idea to tell a sleep-deprived woman.

So now, I've got an upset wife, a pissed off wife, and a frustrated psyche to deal with today.

Joy oh freaking joy! I must remember to buy a lottery ticket, because all of the wierd crap is coming to me today.

Next time, I think I'll talk about my great ability in talking with women, and knowing exactly what to say to set them off..

Until then, I'm out.